THe Story of Hade and his Lover (Final, Pt. 12)

Part 12

“Marius, what’s the matter?” Hestia was pressed against me, and she felt odd. “You keep fidgeting.”
“I’m sorry,” I pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I just…I can’t get comfortable.”
She sighed, turning around, wrapping an arm around my waist, “Because I’m not him, right? I told you we don’t have to share a room, Marius. I don’t expect you to treat me like your lover. I know that’s not what you want.”
“You’re my wife –you’ll sleep next to me.” I brushed her hair from her forehead.
She sighed, sitting up, “That may be true, but I’m not what you really want –no, let me speak.” She touched a finger to my lips as I began to protest. “I’m not a man, Marius. I can’t make you feel the same way.”
“I still feel good with you, Hestia.” I leaned up on my elbow, tugging her closer.
“But it’s still not the same as the way you felt with Hades. You were happier with him.” She brushed her fingers across my cheek, before she pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. “I’m going to go sleep in another room. Should I send someone in for you? Maybe that new servant boy, Jasper?”
“Don’t tease me.” I scoffed.
“I think he’d be more then happy to pleasure you,” She teased. “He’s got really nice hands –I noticed when he was doing the ironing the other morning.”
“I don’t want Jasper,” I shook my head.
“I know you don’t want him,” She sighed, turning to light one of the lamps near the bed and casting a low glow over the room. “But…you’re to pig-head to go and get what you really want.”
“He doesn’t want me anymore, he’s already replaced me.”
“My brother didn’t replace you, Marius. I wish you would stop saying that.” She shook her head. “He moved on. You said you were done with him, and Thanatos was willing to fill the hole you left in his heart. He’s not quite the perfect fit, but Hades enjoys the time he spends with him.”
“Fuck Hades –and Thanatos. I don’t need them, as long as I have you.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head into her stomach. She felt soft and delicate. It was nice, but she was right…she wasn’t what I wanted.
“Cad,” She sighed, running her fingers through my hair. “You know this was a marriage of convenience. We shouldn’t have lead Hades to believe otherwise.”
I turned my face back up to hers, “Why are you so concerned about Hades all of a sudden?”
“Because I can tell that you aren’t happy…and Thanatos stopped in yesterday…he took Jacob.”
“Hmm, yes.” I nodded. Jacob had died the previous day. He had been rather ill for the last couple of weeks, and of course he had been ageing (to me, anyway) at an alarming rate. I would miss him, his company, and his loyal, dutiful personality.
“I asked him if he was staying with Hades now…he said he wasn’t.”
“I don’t want to know about their relationship, thanks. I am perfectly happy to stay in the dark.”
“You know if you wanted to, he would take you back in a heartbeat. He has less to do now, the resurrection schedule solidified several months ago.”
“I know that,” I shrugged. “But I don’t want him back. He doesn’t want me.”
“The hell he doesn’t. He worships the ground you walk on and you know it. You’re both just…you’re both assholes!” She spat, pushing me away. “I can’t talk to you anymore, Marius. Goodnight.”
“Hestia,” I called her back, “Wait, I’m sorry. I know I’m an ass, but…Hestia?” She didn’t turn back as she pulled her silky robe around herself. “Where are you going to go?”
“One of the guest rooms, I suppose.” She replied curtly. “Goodnight, Marius. I’ll send in one of the servants. You shouldn’t sleep alone.”
“Hestia, I don’t want—“ The door closed, cutting me off. I sighed, and laid back into the pillows, preparing myself to send away Jasper whenever he should arrive.
As had been done with Jacob, Jasper was given the express duty of being my manservant. Jacob had picked him out before his demise, and Zeus had taken the time to approve the match. He was pretty, I suppose, with thick curly black hair, blue eyes, and a caramel complexion.
“Lady Hestia said you wanted me,” He leaned shyly in the doorway. She had obviously pulled him from bed. His hair was ruffled, his clothes were slightly awry, and his feet were deliciously bare. “Or was she mistaken…again?”
This was the third time in several days that Hestia had sent him to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, but it felt bizarre to take part in another noncommittal relationship.
“I’m afraid so,” I nodded. “But…” I stopped him As he began to step away and close the door. I had caught the look of disappointment on his face, and was slightly surprised by it. “Why don’t you come in anyway? Hestia doesn’t believe I should sleep alone…I am inclined to agree with her.”
“Jacob told me you never sleep,” Jasper slipped through the door, closing it softly behind him. “Or was he mistaken?”
I smiled, “I rarely slept around him –I found him to be rather untrustworthy sometimes. But I doubt you have the gall to molest a god.”
His eyes widened slightly and he shook his head, “N-No…I don’t, I mean, I wouldn’t do that, not to you –not that I would do it to someone else either.” He shook his head vehemently. “I’m sorry, I’ll just shut my mouth.”
I smiled, “No, your babbling is cute. Come sit down.” I patted the bed next to me. He sat tentatively on the edge of the bed, folding his hands in his lap. “What’s the matter?”
“N-nothing,” He shook his head.
“Oh come on,” I chided. “You look scared. How come? Do I scare you?”
“N-no…I just…I’m not sure what to expect from you.”
“Oh?” I tilted my head. “Why do you say that?”
“Jacob explained to me what my duties to you were, including being your lover--”
“Jacob wasn’t my lover, Jasper. He was someone I had sex with on a regular basis, but he wasn’t my lover. I don’t expect you will be either.”
“Exactly…so, am I just supposed to let you use me, fall in love you, even though I know you’ll never feel the same way about me? I don’t want to be whimsical or anything. I don’t expect for you to love me, but I feel as though I am cheating myself out of a productive life if I…” He stopped himself again. “No, I’m sorry. I should be happy for this opportunity.”
“Tell you what…” I leaned over, letting the covers fall around my waist as I blew out the candle, casting the room back into darkness. “We’ll try it out…if you don’t like it, if you aren’t pleased with the way it all turns out, I’ll let you go. I didn’t choose you –Jacob and Zeus did.”
“Try what?” He asked.
I laughed softly, reaching for him through the darkness and taking a hold of his arm. He moved easily into my hold as I pulled him across the bed. My lips sought out his and for the first time in years, a wave of excitement flooded over me. Whether that was excitement because I was finally having sex with another man for the first time in months, or whether I was simply suppressing true desire for Jasper, I didn’t know.
He groaned, and I knew I had held the kiss to long. His lips simply tasted divine, and I wanted to savor that flavor as long as I could.
“Hmm,” I pulled back, licking my lips. “I taste strawberries…and chocolate.”
His face warmed in a blush, and he lowered his head.
“What are you so shy for?” I asked, tilting his head back up, and kissing him again. The flavor was the same, and so much different from the wine I usually tasted on Hades’ breath, and the fruit of Jacob’s. “It wasn’t a reprimand, Jasper.”
He was silent again, and I felt his tongue move against mine just a bit.
I pushed him back into the pillows, sitting astride his hips. My palms pressed into his shoulders, holding him back. His arms raised slightly as if to push me back, but then stopped.
“You’re afraid, am I right?” I asked. My balanced my hip against his, shifting my weight so I could run my palm under his shirt and across his muscular chest.
“What is there to be afraid of?” He asked.
“You tell me,” I countered. “You are the one whose heart is beating a mile a minute.” My hand stopped over his heart, feeling it patter through his chest.
“You make me nervous, but I’m not afraid.” He shook his head.
“Why?” I tilted my head. “I’m not that different from you.”
“Maybe not physically you aren’t, but mentally and personality wise, we are quite far apart.”
“Don’t think like that,” I shifted back over him, and pulled his shirt over his head. “I don’t understand why I never get boys who are just interested in fucking. You all think this is some kind of fanciful mind game or something.”
“Shouldn’t sex be a mind game?” Jasper asked.
“No, it shouldn’t. It should be to people, some friction, and a couple of exploding orgasms near the end. No feelings need to be involved.”
“But isn’t it better if there are feelings involved?” He watched my tongue trace around his nipple.
I sighed, “You talk to much, Jasper.”
“My many pardons, m’lord. I won’t open my mouth again.”
“Hmm…I think we’ll come back to that thought in a moment.” I pressed a kiss to his lips, and was surprised by the familiar sinking in my stomach that I hadn’t felt for such a long time. I looked up at him, analyzing his face. He wasn’t unattractive by any means, but he certainly wasn’t my master. So, what exactly was it that was making my stomach churn in such a delicious way? Did my subconscious sense something that I couldn’t visually see? Was it something in the way that he smelled? I leaned back, staring at him for a moment.
“Is there something wrong?” He finally asked, after we had sat in silence for several minutes.
“I feel something for you, and that isn’t right.” I pushed off of the bed, walking away from him to pour a glass of wine. “I’m not supposed to feel anything.”
“That’s a sad way to look –why shouldn’t you feel anything?”
“Because I can’t love you!” I turned back to him, “You’re mortal! You’re sweet, and young, and kind now, but in another twenty, thirty years you’re going to get old and bitter and you’ll die on me. Not to mention the fact that you aren’t…you aren’t him.”
“Well, thank you for reminding me of my mortality. I don’t think about that enough as it is, and as for me not being ‘him’, I can only assume that you are referring to Hades, to which all I have to say is…No, I’m not.” Jasper shrugged. “Why are you so afraid of letting yourself love someone else?”
“Because he’s the only one I really want!” I wasn’t sure why I was getting so angry at Jasper. It wasn’t as if he had done anything wrong, other then have some bizarre quality that made me feel instantly head-over-heels for him.
“Do you want me to leave?” He asked, moving from the bed.
“Yes, I do,” I nodded before tipping back my glass of wine. I tried not to watch him pull his shirt back over his head and made his way towards the door.
“Marius?” He stopped at the doorway.
“What is it?” I bit.
“We like having you here and all that, but you really aren’t happy here…we’d understand why you left. There are plenty of other people who are capable of keeping us all in line.”
I mulled over what he had said after the door had shut. It was true, there were plenty of gods roaming Earth II now. I just happened to be the one that everyone looked to for guidance all of the time. Hestia was second to that effect, as she intermingled with them, but she was too gentle-hearted to order them around; not that I was cruel by any means but I was impartial to them and to their whims of fancy.
The closet door creaked open, and I hadn’t realized that I had opened the portal to the Underworld. I stared at the door an the swirling colors for a moment. Did I really want to go through? What if I went through and he was with Thanatos? Did I really want to see that? Wouldn’t it just be another dagger in my stomach; another scar on my wrist?
Then I decided, it didn’t matter if he was with Thanatos. I needed him. He had promised he would be there waiting for me and damn it, I needed him. For the first time, I was afraid. He had moved on, really and truly moved on. I knew it had been rude to tell him that Hestia and I were in love –which wasn’t completely untrue, but it was a platonic kind of love. But it had also been cruel of him to whisper such crude things to his new lover in front of me, as if I wouldn’t care.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I found that he was alone.
“Marius?” He turned from his desk, “What brings you here at this time of day? Something the matter?” He turned back, opening a desk drawer to throw something into it before closing it tightly again.
“No, not really.” I shrugged, “I guess I just, I just wanted to see you is all.”
“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow. “Something is wrong then. What is it?”
I leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest, “Jacob didn’t mean anything to me, Hades.”
“Yes, I know.”
“But, this Jasper...He is different. I don’t want to feel anything for him.” I looked up at him. “But I can’t help myself.”
“What about Hestia? I thought you were in love with her, and had given up on boys.” His tone was teasing, as though he already knew our plot.
“Don’t be stupid,” I scoffed. “Yes, Hestia and I are married and we’ve consummated, but I like men just as much as I did before.”
“Oh,” He nodded. “What really brings you here, Marius.”
“I hate it there,” I sighed, sinking down the wall to sit on the floor. “It’s bright and shiny, and has that still-new scent about it. The mortals are always asking me for things that I cannot responsibly give to them, and I am sick of being treated like their king or something. I just want to go back to the way that it was.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to go back to being us. Just you and me, here alone, with the screaming cries of the dead surrounding us every moment of everyday.”
“You really want that?” He asked, getting up from the desk to stand in front of me.
“Of course I do.”
“I thought that you hated me,” He held out his hand, which I took, and he pulled me up from the floor. “Why put on such a charade if that’s the way that you feel.”
“You made me angry when you said we should try something new.”
“I said you should give it a chance. You’re the one that ended it completely. I was going to be content to share you.”
“Why should you have had to share me? I’m not yours to share.” I shook my head.
“Aren’t you?” He tilted his head to the side, his hands tightening around my wrist. “I thought we had already established a long time ago that you are a very valuable piece of property, Marius.”
“You’re just saying that, you don’t mean it.” I flushed red.
His smile was soft, “No, I don’t.” He brought one of my wrists to his lips. “Why don’t we just forget it? Say to hell with everyone and everything; we’ll stay here forever.”
“You always suggest that, and we have yet to actually do it.”
“That’s because you always have an excuse,” He scoffed. He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Is this what you really want, Marius? To come back; be my little slave again?”
“I want you to be my master,” I confirmed. I leaned my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes to savor the warmth of his body pressed against mine. He felt so strong and familiar with his arms wrapped around me. “I…I have missed you. I thought I could live without you, but I truly cannot.” I looked up at him. “Will you take me back, or am I to late?”
He lifted his hand to brush my hair away from my face, “Marius…I don’t know.” I felt my face fall. “It hasn’t been that long, I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”
I lowered my head to his shoulder again, “You mean you do not want to hurt Thanatos, am I right? He is important to you.”
“He is,” Hades nodded. “I love him.”
I felt the tears prickle at the back of my eyes, “I understand.”
“Marius,” He lifted my chin. “I love you, I do. I want you, I’ve waited for this moment, but…I love Thanatos too. Can you accept that?”
“I do not understand,” I shook my head. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be one of my lovers, keeping in mind that I have another.”
“You want me to share you with him.”
“I’m not asking you to have group sex, Marius. I want you to respect that I love him almost as much as I love you –you come first, you always have. But I need him. He’s a part of my life now.”
I shook my head, “I do not think I can share you, Ma—Hades.” I stopped myself from calling him ‘that name’. The last thing I wanted him to know was that I still thought of him in that way. “And even if I was willing to, how would Thanatos react to that?”
“Thanatos knows how I feel about you. He also knows I’m a very sexual being. I don’t think that he would mind sharing, as you put it, if he knew it was with you. Besides, we spend long periods apart. It wouldn’t come as any surprise to him.”
“And would you expect us to be completely faithful to you?” I asked.
“That depends…are you going to stay here with me, or are you going to go back and keep your place on earth?”
“I…I want to come back here. I do not belong up there,” I shook my head. “I belong here with you.”
“Then I would want you to be faithful, but I couldn’t really reprimand you for sleeping with someone else.” He traced a finger across my jaw, raising my head again. “I don’t expect Thanatos to remain faithful. He has needs, and we can’t be together often enough to fulfill them.”
“This all seems a little backwards does it not?”
“You’re the one who came back, Marius. These are the terms and you can take them or leave them. You can have me, and know that I will be having someone else occasionally at the same time, or you go back to the way we’ve been these past thirty or so years, being miserable and avoiding each other.”
“Are you really miserable without me?”
“I am absolutely wretched without you.” His lips brushed mine, then fell against my cheek.
“You seemed pretty happy with Thanatos at the party,” I murmured, trying to ignore the way his hands slid underneath the hem of my shirt, brushing lightly over my skin. “You looked as if you were having a grand old time without me..”
“All for show, Marius; I was trying to make you jealous. Did it work?”
“I suppose in a way. I am here, aren’t I?”
“I thought you were here because you were afraid you were starting to feel something for someone else. Why are you so afraid of emotion all of a sudden, Marius? It seems like, since you left you hate to allow yourself to love.”
“I think you allow yourself to love too easily –I wasn’t even gone two years before you fell into this affair with Thanatos.”
“Hmm,” He nodded. “But I don’t have a problem being in love, Marius.”
“I was in love, I didn’t need to replace you.”
“Why do you keep thinking that Thanatos was a replacement for you, Marius? He wasn’t –the two of you are completely different.” He shook his head, “I love you because you are kind, gentle, sweet, shy… I love him because he isn’t you –he doesn’t need me to survive, he’s self-sufficient.”
“You love me because I am needy then.”
“Yes, I love you because you’ve always needed me, needed a strong guiding hand to tell you what to do.” His mouth found mine again, his time his tongue pressing past my lips introducing that familiar taste of wine and pomegranates to my mouth. I couldn’t suppress the moan that escaped my throat. It was completely true, and I couldn’t deny it –I needed him to order me around, to be my Master.
My arms went around his neck, and I pulled his ear to my lips, “Fuck me –punish me for everything I’ve done wrong.”
“Marius—” He started to protest, but I insisted.
“Please, I want you to. I have tried to discipline myself, but it is not the same. I need you to do it. Use me.” I looked up at him. “Please?”
“Marius, I don’t need to punish you. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Then do it anyway, do it because I asked you to.” My arms tightened around his neck, and he lifted me up by my hips, wrapping my legs around his waist.
“You are becoming a little masochist, aren’t you?” He teased, nuzzling against my neck before shrugging, “okay, if it will make you feel better.”
He carried me to the bed, tossing down me uncouthly. He pushed me back into the mattress. His hands carefully undid the buttons of my shirt at first before he sighed, and simply tore the fabric away. I fought the urge to protest as the torn bits of fabric were cast aside. His mouth was warm against my skin. His lips first brushed my collar and then made a trail down the center of my torso. Finally he pressed them to mine again for a moment. His tongue was gentle, lapping against my closed mouth. I turned my face away, and he grunted. His head lay against my shoulder, and he lay down half against me, half on top of me.
“What’s wrong, Marius?” His fingers brushed my forehead.
“I don’t feel it.” I whispered.
“Feel what?”
I took his hand from my face, leading it down to my stomach, “when I made love to you, my stomach used to tighten and sink, and it was always exciting. I wanted it, I was starved for it. I…” I shook my head. “I don’t feel it.”
He smiled, “Marius, it’s OK.”
“No, it isn’t! I love you! Why don’t I want you? Why don’t I need you?” My head whipped to look at him, and knocked heads with him. He grunted again, rubbing his forehead, and rolling partially away.
“Marius, relax…you’re…you’re growing up.”
“What are you talking about?” I bit. “I am immortal. I do not grow up. I died when I was 20, and that is the end of that.”
“Marius, how old are you?”
“I just told you, twenty!”
“No, Marius. You’ve existed for centuries…millennia. You spent most of those years with me, in love with me. You still love me, Marius.” He assured me. “Just like I still love you.” He rolled back, pressing our foreheads together. “We can make love, and you won’t feel that same sharp intake you used to, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t love me.”
“But I want to feel it. I felt it earlier, when I was with Jasper. Why don’t I feel it now?”
“I don’t know. We’ve spent nearly…what, fifty years apart? I know, that’ not even a fraction of our time together, but you’ve experience different people, different things.”
“I don’t want to go back there,” I hid my face against his chest.
“You have to,” he chided. “It’s your job.”
I sighed, “I don’t want to want Jasper. He’s going to die, just like the rest of them, and then I’ll have to find someone else.”
“And maybe there will be another Jasper…another mortal who makes you feel like I did. Makes you feel like Jasper does. Or maybe after Jasper dies, you’ll get those feelings in the pit of your stomach back for me.” His hand pressed against my stomach, and he felt cold against my warmth.
“I should leave,” I sighed.
“You don’t have to. It’s not morning yet. Why don’t you stay here with me tonight?” He offered.
“No…if I don’t leave now, I won’t unless you drag me kicking and screaming.” I sighed, moving away from his hands to sit on the edge of the bed. I covered my face in my hands for a moment, just breathing. “…Can I come back?”
“Marius, you can come here whenever you want. I was never barricading you.”
“What about Thanatos? What if you’re with him if I come?”
He smiled, moving across the bed to wrap his arms around my chest, “Marius, you will always come before Thanatos. Even if we’re fucking like rabbits, I will take the time to take care of you.”
I scoffed. I didn’t want to picture my master and his new lover fucking like any kind of animal. His lips pressed under my ear, “I love you Marius. I always will…and you’ll always love me. Even if you don’t feel that same spark when we touch.”
“I don’t understand these emotions,” I cursed. “I want to feel more for you then adoration! I want that lust back!”
“Lust isn’t meant to last forever, Marius.” He assured me, and I could feel myself remaining rigid at the sound of my name on his tongue, where I used to melt. Even calling Master wasn’t going to help me. “Come back when you need me.”
I stood up, his arms falling away from me, “I don’t like that you’re sleeping with Thanatos.”
He smiled, “You don’t really have much of a say in who I sleep with though, now do you?”
“I know, but I just wanted you to know that I don’t like it.”
“I know,” He nodded. “Just like I didn’t care for you sleeping with Jacob…who is very happy here by the way.”
“He is here?”
“Yes, I offered him a place in the castle. He is currently on laundry duty with James. Did you want to see him?”
“No,” I shook my head. “I didn’t feel the spark with him. I meant it when I said I didn’t love him.”
Hades smiled again, “Why don’t you go…before I won’t let you. Don’t forget your shirt.” He motioned to the scrap of fabric that was left of my shirt.
“Master?” I was at the door, the white fabric wrapped tightly in my hands.
“Yes?”
“I’ll be back…when I get that spark again.”