Life Through Lenses (3rd Version)

Note: I wrote a couple of different versions of this story, so I wanted to try it where both Riley and Ben are gay. I figured it would make for an interesting time. Enjoy! (VERY LONG!!)

Life Through Lenses (Version III)

Ben’s arm weighed heavily over my hip. As the early tendrils of morning were beginning to stretch across the sky, I was totally awake and Ben stayed dead to the world. Our mornings since the summer had started were usually like this. I would wake up about ten minutes before Ben would even think about opening his eyes. I could tell when he was awake because he would shift his hips up against mine and hug me more tightly to his chest, nuzzling his nose against my throat. On the rare occasion that he did wake up before me, he would kiss me awake and I would groan, wanting to fall back into the depths of sleep… But I knew why he did it –why he didn’t just crawl out of bed quietly and start our usual morning routine without me.
“Your Dad hasn’t left yet, has he?” Ben’s hips had shifted and his arms were tight around my chest now. His voice was still sleepy but conscious.
“I don’t think so. It’s only seven o’clock.” I replied, putting a hand on his arm. Even though the summer had started nearly a month ago, and Ben was a regular addition to our house every summer, we hadn’t exactly told my older sister, Becca, and my Dad that we were “together”. I think they would both be a little disturbed to find that we slept next to each other nearly every night.
“Are we filming today?” Ben traced his fingers underneath the hem of my t-shirt as he spoke, “Or do you have to work?”
“We can later this afternoon. I have to go to work in an hour.” I turned around to face him, putting a leg over his hip. “You should get a job, you lazy bum.”
He laughed, kissing me for the first time that day, “Maybe. Think you could put in a good word for me at the diner?”
“Pfft, Ben, I barely want to work at the diner. You don’t want to work there too.”
He shrugged, “Ah, if I can’t work with you I don’t want to work at all.”
“Like I said…you’re a lazy bum.” I kissed him again, then turned my head towards the window, listening as a familiar rumble started outside. “My Dad is leaving…Becca should already be at work. Let’s go.” I rolled away from him, stretching my arms above my head.
Ben sighed, following suit from he other side. The house was quiet was we tip-toed out into the hallway to the bathroom. I pulled out two towels from the bathroom closet while Ben turned on the water. We had our routine down to a delicate dance. While the water warmed, Ben went to the bathroom, and I brushed my teeth, then we switched places before getting into the now steaming water together. You might be screaming “Water Conservation!” but water at my house has always taken forever to heat up, and besides, we save water by showering together –wink, wink.
We took our time. We both knew what would happen today. After Becca and I got off work later that afternoon, we would head down to the secluded area of the park where we were filming Ben’s script. We were going to tell Becca our secret. It really couldn’t be helped –she was going to see something that she needed the option to walk away from. I didn’t think that my sister was a homophobe, but we both sill felt it was something we should probably tell her.
“You still seem tired,” Ben tilted my face up to kiss me under the hot water.
“I am tired,” I shrugged. “You kept me up until almost one this morning.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you can hold out longer then I can.” He kissed me again. nipping at my bottom lip to let me know he was just teasing me.
“Maybe you should work on that? You’re coming a little prematurely there, Ben.” I pressed my lips to his shoulder and pulled my fingers through his west hair. “C’mon –we’re not getting very clean here.”
He gave me a short laugh before turning away from me, into the spray to pick up one of the bottles of shampoo, “Apple or Lilac?”
“Apple. I don’t want to smell like a girl.”
“Hmm, but I like lilacs.”
“Then you use it.” I kissed him again, pulling the bottle of apple shampoo from his hands. Our bodies brushed together and I blushed under the hot water and steam as Ben’s arm wrapped around my waist.
“You’re turning red, Riley. Is the water too hot?”
That only made me blush harder, “Of course not.”
His grin broadened and he kissed me. His mouth tasted of fresh mint toothpaste and mouthwash. His body warmed every inch of mine that he touched, and he let a pleased hum pass through his throat as his lips moved to breath softly in my ear.
“You’re getting hard. Do you have time?”
“No, not really.” I sighed, then groaned as he moved his hand between our bodies. “Don’t, you’ll just make it worse.”
“I can’t let you go to work like this. What would they think?”
“That I’m an adolescent with an overactive sex drive?”
Ben rolled his eyes, bracing himself against the sides of the shower as he lowered himself onto the slippery bottom. Then his hands held tight to my hips as his mouth moved over me. I gasped, dropping the bottle of shampoo onto the floor with clunk. One hand pressed against the wall under the shower head, the other went to the top of his head. He made quick work, leaving me shivering and emptied a few minutes later. He went back to washing his hair like nothing had happened with the lilac shampoo. I knelt down slowly, grasping the slick, wet bottle that I had dropped.
“You okay?” He asked, glancing down at me before he tipped his head back into the spray to rinse out the shampoo.
“I’m fine –switch places with me when you’re done.” I massaged the shampoo into my hair and scalp in circles. The scent of apples and lilacs was intoxicating.
We continued our interrupted dance, Ben sliding across the small space to switch places with me so I could rinse out my hair. The water was growing cold now, so I turned the knob just slightly hotter. Ben opened the bottle of body wash and a new fruit filled the air –pomegranate.
“Hand me the poof?” Ben asked.
I tossed my orange bath poof at him, still rinsing the shampoo from my hair. I groaned as Ben started soaping down my chest.
“What are you doing?” I asked, reaching for his wrist.
“You’re going to be late for work.” He stepped closer, the poof moving lower. “I’m just helping you out. Turn around.” The poof slid around my side, up over my shoulders and then across my back in circular lines, his fingers brushing my skin around the edges of the poof as he moved it over my backside, and just slightly between my legs. I felt Ben move closer, moving the poof over my arms, then back down my sides again to scrub down the front and sides of my thighs.
“God, I want to fuck you.”
“I don’t quite think you’re good enough for God, sweetie, but that’s why you have me.” I turned back around, taking the poof from him and tossing it towards the drain to wrap my arms around his neck. “I wish I didn’t have to leave…I’d like to see where this morning could take us.”
“This morning has the makings of amateur porn all over it.” Ben sighed, kissing me. “You better go though, before you’re late. I’ll lock up behind me, I promise.”
“You coming to the diner for lunch?” I asked, slipping out of the shower to unfurl one of the towels, drying off.
“Yeah, I’ll be there. When do you get done?”
“Around four.” I scrubbed at my hair with the towel before wrapping it around my waist. “See you in awhile.” I pushed back the curtain enough to accept another kiss from him before I disappeared from the bathroom.

“Riley! Ben!” Becca was late, as usual. Ben and I had been talking quietly while we set up the camera. Mostly about how we were going to break it to Becca that she wasn’t going to be an Aunt. We had a feeling that she “knew” but just needed confirmation. We also hoped that she wasn’t going to make it an issue, or that she would tell Dad.
“Becca, you’re late.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I ran into Dad on my way out of the house.” She rolled her eyes, like that would explain everything. “So, what are we shooting today?”
“Before we film anything, there’s something Ben and I need to let you know.” I looked away, scratching my arm. I was trying to be nonchalant, but I wasn’t sure how well it was working.
“Uh, okay? What’s up?”
“Err…” I looked at Ben for guidance who shrugged, silently saying ‘She’s your sister, dude’. “I guess there isn’t any other way to say this, then to just say it… Ben and I are seeing each other. So, we don’t want you to be surprised with what we’re filming today.”
Becca raised an eyebrow.
“’Cause we’re kind of shooting the end of the film, with the kiss, today.”
“Okay…” Becca nodded. “Am I supposed to be surprised or something?”
“No, we just…you know, I didn’t want you to be suspicious or anything. I figured you wouldn’t say anything, but you’d wonder, so we just cut out the middle-bit.”
Becca nodded again, slowly, “Right.”
“You’re not surprised or anything?” Ben asked.
“God no, I’ve known you two have been doing it for at least a month. Cripes. At least now I can tell you to keep it the fuck down. Cripes.”
My face turned red, “Are we loud?”
“Let’s just say –be glad Dad goes out to the bar’s most night…or he’s too drunk to hear.”
“Well, if it helps, we haven’t actually done it,” Ben shrugged. “We just do the stuff that leads up to it.”
Becca shuddered, “I didn’t need to know that about my brother, Ben. Thanks.”
“Sorry,” He shrugged. “We’ll try to keep it down in the future.”
“Anyway, why don’t we get some filming done then, since you’ve finally got that off of your chests.” Becca moved behind the camera, flicking it on. “And lets try not to be out here all night either, okay? Two, three takes tops. I’ve got a date later.”
“Well, we’ll try our best Becca.”

The bedroom was dark and quiet. Rain pitter-pattered against the window. We had made it home just in time before the mild summer storm had started. It wasn’t really late yet, but Ben and I were already in bed. He breathed softly against the back of my neck, his arms wrapped around me. It was a comfortable silence that filled the room until Ben kissed my cheek.
“Is that it, we’re just going to bed?” He asked.
“I feel weird knowing that Becca hears.”
“We’ll be really quiet,” He assured me, kissing me on the lips this time, moving to lean up on his elbow. “Besides, she isn’t back from her date yet.”
“But she will be soon, probably.”
“Well, why don’t we worry about Becca when she gets home then?” His lips pressed under my chin as he tilted my head back. “Let me?” His fingers traced under the waistband of my shorts.
I groaned, seriously contemplating telling him no, that it wasn’t “right”. But I gave in when he whined softly in my ear, very puppy-like. “Alright, fine.” I edged over onto my back, putting my arms around his neck. “You can be such a horn-dog, you know that?”
“Only when I’m around you.”
“You’re always around me!”
He grinned, kissing me roughly as his hands started to push my t-shirt up over my chest. He sighed, discontented, “Sit up for a sec.” I obliged, and he pulled my t-shirt over my head. “Much better.”
“I’m glad you’re so easy to please.” I put a hand on his chest. “But we did me this morning. I think it’s your turn, hmm?” I tossed the covers off of us, and pushed him over onto his back before I straddled his hips, kissing him for a moment before I moved back on the bed to give us more room. His boxers slid easily past his lips, and I bit my lip as he escaped the confines of his clothes. Ben tried to look comfortable, tucking an arm under his head to watch me as I tossed his boxers off onto the floor.
“You just gonna stare at it, Riley?” He asked me.
“Give me a minute, I don’t do this that often.” I scoffed. I leaned forward, pressing my lips first to the inside of his thigh. Then I deliberately teased him, my lips nipping at his scrotum. His hips lifted slightly and his fingers twitched to urge me on, but I took my time. He was biting his tongue by the time my tongue actually ran the length of his member. A gasp escaped his lips, and I smiled, sucking down softly on the tip.
“Fuckin’-A.” He sighed, closing his eyes, tilting his head back slightly.
I took it as encouragement, pressing my mouth and tongue in kisses along his member and against his thighs. He groaned approval and he came to rest a hand on the top of my head to coax me along.
“Riley, that’s enough playing around. Get to business, okay?”
“Bossy, bossy…” I chided, wrapping my hand around him. He thrust into the palm of my hand a few times, before he sat upright, pushing my shorts over my hips. I put a hand on his shoulder, steadying myself to toss them away along with the rest of our clothes, before he pulled me closer, pressing together.
“Do you want to be on top?” He asked, kissing my jaw. “It’s easier when we lay down…or we could stand.”
“You made me weak-kneed. We’d fall.” I shook my head, pushing him onto his back again. “Besides, you’re always on top.” I kissed him as I wrapped my hand around both of our members this time, stroking them together.
Ben wrapped a leg around my hips after a minute or so, pulling my hand away, letting me fall on top of him.
“Just let it go,” He insisted, putting a hand on my backside, thrusting me forward against him.
“Why is it that you always seem a little more experienced then I do?” I asked.
He murmured a reply I didn’t understand in my ear. He slid both of his hands to my hips, pushing me at his own pace. He really was bossy in bed, even though everywhere else in our lives, he let me lead him around. But that was okay with me. He wasn’t selfish –he thought about me too. And when we did other things, I made sure that I wasn’t pushing him to hard for something he didn’t want. We were an idyllic pair, really.
He stopped thrusting, and I looked down at him, slightly confused.
“You didn’t come yet,” I breathed, kissing him. “What’s wrong?”
“I want to try something different, go a little further.” He brushed his hand over my forehead, pushing my hair out of my face. “If you’ll let me.”
I raised an eyebrow, “Can you hold out long enough to try something else?” He gave a curt nod, and I pondered, moving up onto my knees, teasing him as the tip of my appendage rubbed lightly against his. “What do you want to try?”
He grinned, pulling me down to whisper in my ear again. I jerked back a moment later, “You really want to do that?”
“Not all the way,” He shook his head. “Just a little bit…a couple of inches is all.”
“But, we don’t have any lube or anything.”
“Trust me,” He pulled me back to kiss him. “I’ll take care of you, Riley.”
“I dunno, Ben. Frot has been working out pretty well for us…” I ran a hand up his chest, twisting my fingers in the thin gold chain he wore at his neck that had his class ring on it –hidden behind him somewhere as it had slipped away. “But if you want too…”
“I’m not telling you that I want too. I’m asking if you want too.”
I bit my tongue, before I shook my head. I guess I wasn’t sure what he had meant by “try something new”. We had pretty much done everything but that. And it wasn’t even that I didn’t want too. I did. I wanted to go “all the way” with him, but it didn’t seem like the right time.
“What’s wrong?” Ben brought our bodies back together. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It was just a suggestion.”
“Nothings’ wrong.” I shook my head, giving him a half smile before I pressed a kiss to his cheek. I opened my mouth to say more, but I wasn’t sure what it was that I should say. What I could I say to try and explain? It wasn’t the right time for that either. We both still harbored raging hard-on’s and Ben’s hands were roving, thrusting us together once again.
As usual, Ben let go first, splattering both of us. He groaned, his breath catching in his throat as he forced my lips to his. The kiss was hard but filled with love, with frustrated passion. He panted, hot against my throat as his hands went between us, stroking just me.
“How the hell do you hold out?” He sighed, shaking his head. “You make me melt, but you’re like a fuckin’ rock.” A gasp escaped my mouth as his grip became more firm. I sat up on my knees, pressing a hand to the headboard, struggling to resist him now as he pushed harder, longer. I moaned as I came, and I joined Ben in his heavy panting, falling against him again, wrapping my arms around his neck. His eyes closed, and he kissed my cheek, then my neck before rolling me away from him, to put some space between our already over-heated bodies.
“Shit,” He sighed after a few moments, looking at his chest and stomach. “We made a huge mess.”
I smiled, “Don’t worry about it –it’s all on us.” I stretched, getting up from the bed to grab a towel from my laundry basket, throwing it at him after I made a quick scrub at my own filthiness. “It could have been a lot worse.” I opened the bottom drawer of my desk for a box of wet-wipes, cleaning off a little better with one, before taking the box to Ben.
He took the box from me, withdrawing a wipe from it as he watched me circle the bed to crawl back into bed with him. “You going to tell me what’s wrong?” He pitched the used wipe towards the trash can, almost missing. “Or are we just going to pretend that everything is normal?” He set the box on the on the table next to the bed, before he slid back under the covers, putting an arm over me. I bit my tongue, turning my cheek against the pillow to look him in the face.
“Nothing is wrong, Ben.”
“Then why don’t you want to go all the way with me, Riley?”
“Ben…”
“No, I’m asking you a legitimate question.”
“How can you say that what we do isn’t going all the way? Lots of guys have sex without actually penetrating one another. We’ve had great sex without it so far.”
“Are you afraid, or you just don’t have an interest in it? –Don’t blow it off. If you’re afraid I’m going to hurt you, I want to put your mind at ease. If you really don’t have an interest in doing it, then I won’t push.” Ben brushed his finger tips through my hair before stroking them down my face. “So what is it? Fear or disinterest?”
“I’m not afraid, Ben.”
“But you’re interested.”
I shrugged, “I want to know what it feels like, I want to feel you inside of me.” I assured him with kiss. “I just…I don’t think the time is right.”
“What about the time? Riley, we’ve been best friends since before we could walk. I’ve loved you for…I’ve always loved you. We’ve been in this kind of a relationship for almost a year… How much more time do you need?”
“Don’t you think it should be…special or something?”
“Baby,” He crooned, pressing his face into my neck. He kissed my throat, then my jaw, and finally my lips. “It’s always special with you.”
My face turned pink, and I turned my face away from him. He sighed, falling back into the pillows.
“We can work up to it.” He suggested, laying his head on my shoulder, stroking his palm along my chest. “Spend less time just thinking about our dicks, hmm?”
“I don’t think that’s the problem.” I pressed my hand on top of his.
“Why don’t you put a little trust in me? You lead me around like a puppy in every other part of our lives…let me take directive in the bedroom, okay?”
“I do trust you, Ben!” I shifted onto my side, wrapping an arm around him. “And you started leading me this direction before we were even a couple.”
“Then let me lead. If it doesn’t feel right, I’ll stop, but you don’t know until you try.”
“Not tonight,” I shook my head.
“No, not tonight,” He agreed. “But tomorrow night, or the night after…” He tilted my face to meet our lips. “By the end of the summer…I want to make you mine.”
“Ben, I’m already yours.” I flushed a brighter shade of pink.
“I know you are, in here.” He tapped my chest. “But I want the rest of you too. …You’re so easy to blush.” He smiled, kissing me again. “Is what I’m saying to you that embarrassing?”
“Yes!”
“Is it because I’m trying to sugarcoat the fact that I really just want to fuck you, hard and rough with no holding back?”
“Yes!”
He laughed, “Okay, I won’t sugarcoat it anymore.” He kissed me again, coaxing my mouth open. His tongue felt wet and rough against mine. Even after months, I still hadn’t grown accustomed to the feeling of having Ben’s tongue so close to my own. I preferred our close-mouth or partially-open kisses. Not that these open-tongue thrashing kisses were bad…they were just different. They weren’t sweet, or passionate really. They just let Ben tell me how much he wanted me, or how much I wanted him. I could tell by how lazily his tongue probed, or in how hard he sucked on my lips.
I pulled away first, pressing my forehead to his chest and closing my eyes. His arms tightened around me, and he placed his chin on the top of my head. We lay in silence for a few minutes as the storm that had been taking place outside of our window started to take a higher pace. Lightening lit the room for a moment s thunder rumbled…and I suddenly saw how perfect a setting we could have had for our evening. But the storm had fallen on my deaf ears earlier –completely forgotten about. I laughed softly, pressing my lips to Ben’s chest.
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing, nothing.” I shook my head, rising to give him another tongue-twisting kiss. “Just thinking about how sexy storms are.”
He smiled, “Well stop thinking sexy thoughts, or we’ll never get to sleep tonight.”


Becca was looking at Ben and I apprehensively from behind the camera the next afternoon. Her pursed lips were making me paranoid, and I finally couldn’t take it anymore.
“Do you have a problem, Becca?” I asked, ruining the section we had been working on.
Becca sighed, pressing a button on the camera, “Well, not exactly. I’m curious…this isn’t like, ‘your story’ is it? Did you two have a confessional start? Ben came up to you and said, “I’d really like to screw you, and I hope you feel the same?” or something as equally horrible?”
“Hardly!” I scoffed.
Ben shrugged, “We just kind of took cues from one another, Becca. We never had to say anything to one another about it. It just seemed kind of right, you know?”
“So, you two have never uttered the word ‘gay; to one another?” Becca crossed her arms over her chest, looking disbelieving.
I shrugged, “I guess not. I don’t think so. Why?”
“I just find that hard to believe.” Becca shook her head.
“Well, we’re not asking to believe us, Becca. We’re asking you to play camera man—err, woman. Person.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she waved us off. “I figured I would just get to know my little brother a little better, that’s all. Whatever.”
Ben took a glance at his watch, “Can we wrap up for the day, Riley? We’ve still got to make a pit stop before we go home to start editing.” He raised an eyebrow at me.
I nodded, “Yeah, I don’t feel like finishing up today anyway. It’s too wet out to get anything good anyway. It feels like it’s going to rain again too.”
“Where are you two going?” Becca asked, starting to dismantle the camera. “Can I come along?”
“Ah…” I glanced at Ben who gave me a half shrug. “I don’t think you really want to tag along with us, Becca.”
“Why not?” She was either really that daft that we didn’t want her along, or she was just very persistent. Or quite possibly, both.
“Well, we’re just going to pick up some stuff for our editing session tonight. And, well, you aren’t a part of that.”
“Stuff for your ‘editing session’ or for your ‘after-party’ of the editing session?” She gave us a quirky look before collapsing down the tri-pod and carrying it and the camera over to the camera bag.
“Maybe a little of both, what of it? Either way, we don’t want you along.”
“Yeah, yeah –I can take a hint. I have to work anyway, so whatever.” She let me zip up the camera bag and throw it over my shoulder. “Talk to you guys later?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. Ben and I watched her walk away before we followed in a similar direction towards home.
“So, do you think it’s weird that we’ve never told each other we were gay…like Becca said.” Ben asked.
“We never needed too,” I shrugged. “And I think it’s a little late now, isn’t it?”
“Well yeah,” Ben shrugged. “Do you think she has the wrong idea about us though?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“She doesn’t seem ‘okay’ about us. I mean, she’s asking questions, but she’s also being kind of critical.”
“Ben, that’s just Becca. She’s critical of everything I do –I’m her little brother. She’s supposed to be critical of me.”
“Maybe.”
“Something’s bothering you.” It wasn’t a question. I could tell when something wasn’t quite sitting right with Ben.
“Kind of…” He reached up to rub the back of his neck. “I guess…we’ve told Becca, and she’s ‘okay’ with this, but…what about your Dad and my parents? I mean, are we going to tell them? Are we just going to let them figure it out for themselves?”
“You tried telling your parents that were gay –what did that get you?”
“Dates with a bunch of bible-thumping girls,” Ben rolled his eyes.
“Exactly. And, I don’t think my Dad needs to know.” I shook my head. Telling my Dad was one prospect that really scared me. He seemed to have knee-jerk reactions to just about anything, and was never consistent in any of them. He would either take it in incredibly well, or he would take it out in an abusive, alcohol-induced rage. If something didn’t sit well with my Dad, his answer was to get drunk…actually, that was his answer to just about everything since Mom died.
“Riley…” He reached out to take my hand, and I pulled away.
“Not in the park, Ben.”
He sighed, taking a curt nod, “Right. Sorry.”
“Don’t take that tone with me.” I sighed, shaking my head. “I don’t mean it like that and you know it.”
“Do I?”
“In any other town, I would kiss you in the street…but this is our hometown. And it’s small. People talk, and we still have a year of high school left. Let’s not get run out of town before graduation, okay?” I bumped my hip against his. “I’m just thinking about us, Ben. Once we can get out of this hell-hole little town, I’m yours wherever you want me.”
Ben smiled softly, shaking his head as he looked away.
“If you want, we can fool around before we go to the store,” I whispered to him with a sly smile.
“Why waste it when I can fuck you when we get back?” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m going to teach you, Riley. Even I have to do it with you kicking and screaming –figuratively and literally.”
“You gonna make me scream, Ben?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I might, if you’re naughty.” Ben grinned.
“Ooh, don’t tempt me.” I pulled my keys out of my pocket as we turned into my driveway. “Let me grab my wallet out of my room and then we can go, okay?”
“Sure,” Ben nodded, following behind me into the house. I disappeared up to my room for a few minutes to put away my camera and gear, and to pick up my wallet. Ben made himself comfortable on the couch with an issue of Cosmo.
“Ready?” I asked, turning into the living room after shoving my wallet and keys back into my pocket.
“Yeah, lets go.” He tossed away the magazine beside himself before heaving heavily off the couch. “So, how are we doing this? It’s going to look suspicious if we if we throw a bottle of lube up on the counter with our chips and pop.”
“They don’t know that’s what it’s for, Ben.” I rolled my eyes. “People buy lube for all kinds of reasons –not just because they plan on having sex with it.”
Ben nodded, pulling his keys out of his pocket for his early-80’s mustang his parents had bought him for his birthday two years ago. It had been parked at the curb for nearly three days now but no one (namely my father) hadn’t complained. Mostly Ben and I walked places, but having a car was nice sometimes, even for those short trips.
“Well, why don’t you pick up the food, and I’ll get the…recreational supplies?” Ben suggested.
“Ben, we can get it together. It’s not a big deal.”
“Two guys buying KY or Astroglide is a big deal, Riley.” He shook his head. “And maybe we should pick up a box of condoms too.” He didn’t look at me as he made the suggestion.
I furrowed my eyebrows, “Why?”
“Well, because. I just want you to feel safer, and they might help.”
“What are condoms going to protect me from? You don’t have anything! …Do you?”
“No!”
“Well, you can’t blame me for wondering!” I pulled my seat belt across my chest, clicking it into place. “You’ve done all of this before, haven’t you? How do you know that the guy you did it with then was clean?”
Ben sighed, “Look, it was…a long time ago, and it didn’t mean anything.”
My chest felt like it was going to collapse. I had always kind of assumed that something had happened with Ben and another guy before, but he’d ever actually confirmed it for me. I guess subconsciously I thought that if I didn’t know, it didn’t happen. But know I knew –he had just told me.
“Who was it?”
Ben shoved his key into the ignition but didn’t turn it over, “Riley…”
“No, I want to know. Who was it, when was it…Was it before ‘us’?”
“When it happened, we had only fooled around a couple of times.”
“Oh yes, that really narrows it down, Benjamin.”
“Remember when I went to that summer camp the summer after we turned sixteen? How I didn’t want to go because I thought it was stupid, but you were going to that filmography camp, so I sucked it up and we had to spend the entire summer in different parts of the state? The one year we didn’t make a movie.”
“Of course I remember.” I nodded. “I hated that summer. It was the summer after Mom died.”
“Yeah.” He nodded.
I waited for more, but he didn’t open his mouth. “Ben…You’re not giving me the whole story here.”
“I made a mistake.” He looked up at me, “Don’t hold that against me.”
“I’m not holding anything against you, Ben! But I thought us being together meant that we were learning together, and we aren’t! You’ve already gone all the way with some other guy!”
“But we can use that to our advantage, Riley!” He shifted to look at me better. “I mean, yeah I slept with some guy and I never told you about it. It was before we ever even mentioned the word ‘couple’. We weren’t together when I did it, so it isn’t even like I cheated on you!”
“How can you say that?” I asked. “We’ve been a couple practically since birth!”
“Riley!”
I sighed, shaking my head, “Let’s just go, okay?”
“Riley, we can’t go if you’re going to be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, I’m frustrated at you.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“No it isn’t. Read a fucking dictionary.”
Riley nodded, “Okay, whatever.”
“No, not ‘whatever’! You slept with some guy, Ben! You never told me!”
“I didn’t think it was a problem. When I did it…we had only ever kissed a couple of times. We’d never even been on a date…our feelings then weren’t what they are now.”
I shook my head, reaching for the door. It gave a creak as I opened it, “You know, I don’t need you tonight. Why don’t you just go home? You haven’t seen your parents in a couple of days.”
“Riley, don’t go off like that.” He reached for me, but I was already out of the car. It gave a satisfying clank as I slammed the door closed, and went back towards the house. He was behind me a second later, but not fast enough as I broke into a run for the house, locking the door behind me before I sank to the floor in the foyer.

“Riley, Ben is downstairs. He says he just wants to talk to you.”
“Tell him I’m busy.” I replied. Since I had left him a few hours before, Ben had called six times after banging on the door for nearly thirty minutes. Now it was nearly eight o’clock and I had been dawdling with some of the preliminary editing of our summer film.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but I’m letting him up and you can shout at one another through the door or something.” Becca sounded annoyed.
“Whatever, I don’t want to hear what he has to say. Just tell him to go home.”
“Riley…”
“You don’t know what it’s about Becca, so don’t judge me, okay?”
“He’s coming up. You can yell at me later.”
“Becca!” I turned from the computer screen, almost standing before I realized that she was probably gone and Ben would soon be in her place…and I really didn’t want to see Ben’s face.
I leaned back into the chair, looking at the screen. It was bad enough hearing and seeing him on my computer screen…I didn’t want to deal with the real thing right now. I shook my head, clicking the save tab and turning off the monitor before getting up to flick off the light. Ben knocked just as I started to push away some of my clothes, and pulled back the covers to crawl into bed.
“Riley?” His voice was quiet. Evidentially Becca was either still standing there or my Dad had come home while I had been zoning out on my editing. I bit my lip, shifting onto my shoulder, turning away from the door. “I know you’re in there. Just talk to me, okay? There was a bit of silence as he waited, and then he sighed loudly. “Riley, look…Just come open the door. I can’t talk to a wall all night.”
“Go home, Ben.”
“I can’t go home.”
“Then go somewhere else, because you can’t stay here.”
“Riley, don’t be like this…c’mon. Just let me in. If you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll go home until you’re ready to speak to me again.”
“And what if I’m never ready to speak to you again, hmm?” I threw back the covers, crossing the growing-cold floor to wrench open the door.
“Don’t say that!” He shook his head.
“Maybe it’s time for us to grow apart? Did you think about that?”
“This isn’t growing apart, Riley. This is driving a fence between us. I know why you’re angry, and I accept that fact that I made you angry…but I can’t do anything about what I did now. It’s in the past. It’s done. What do you want me to say?”
I pulled him into the room, shoving him towards the bed as I closed the door. My voice turned in a mere whisper –I didn’t want Becca to hear, and I definitely didn’t want my Dad to hear what I was about to say.
“When you fucked him…did you like it?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“It’s a question I’m asking you. I want to know. When you decided to have sex with this guy…this stranger that you probably only knew for a few weeks, did you enjoy it?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I…I don’t know. It was a long time ago, Riley.”
“Bullshit. Everyone remembers their first time.”
“Riley…”
“You liked it. It just say it.”
He sighed defeat, “Fine…I liked it. Of course I liked it. How could I not? He was like…the fucking Camp Adonis, and he was interested in me, Riley. Me. He could have had any other guy at that camp –even the straight ones. But he wanted me, and I let him. It was stupid, I was immature, and now I’ve completely fucked up our relationship, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Saying that you’re sorry isn’t going to fix this.”
“What is there is fix, Riley? I don’t understand what this…I don’t understand. Why are you so angry at me?”
“Because I was supposed to be your first, Ben! We’ve always done everything together but…you could wait for me!”
“I didn’t know!”
“You did so know! I knew! I had chances to sleep with other guys too, but I didn’t act on any of them! I knew that I wanted you. I knew that I wanted you to by my first.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to really be sorry! Not just say the words, but really feel sorry. You don’t think that you’ve done anything wrong, but…you don’t understand. You’ve never understood. …And that’s why you can’t stay here tonight.”
“Riley…” He stepped forward, trying to take my hand. I crossed my arms tighter across my chest, and stepped away from him, opening the door again.
“Please go home.”
“Riley,” He repeated. He ran his fingers across my cheek but I refused to look at him. He sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to get through to me –not tonight at any rate. “Fine. I’ll go home. …Call me. When you’re not angry anymore.” He took a chance at changing my mind, forcing my arms apart and hugging me tightly to his chest. My stomach sank, but I didn’t give in to him. I held my arms loosely at my side, and Ben held me for a moment, before he spoke again.
“I love you.”
“I know.”
He released me, stepping towards the door, “Oh, uh…when he do decide to pick u the phone, call my cell, not my house. My, uh…my parents aren’t speaking to me right now either.”
My heart leapt for concern, but I stayed back. Curiosity wasn’t going to get the best of me. Ben had other friends, other family. It wasn’t like he was going to be sleeping in his car tonight or anything. I would sleep on our problems and call him in the morning. He disappeared from the doorway, and I listened to his shoes thunking down the stairway. I bit my tongue to keep from calling him back, and closed the door to crawl back into bed --alone for the first time in over a month.

“So, what did you do that your parents aren’t talking to you?” I was still holed up in my room, but at least I was talking to Ben again. It still bothered me that he had sex with some other guy. But like he had argued –it had been before we were a couple, and it wasn’t like he had been tied to me for eternity.
“I went home and they wanted to set me up with another girl. I told them I wasn’t interested. We started to argue.”
“Is it…is it going to be okay?”
“Yeah, it’ll be fine. They’ll get over it.”
“Are you here yet?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m almost there. …Hey, does this mean we get to have make-up sex? Since this was our first big fight, I think that make-up sex is in order.”
“I’ll think about it. I want you to look at the edit so far, and then we can talk about sex.”
“Ah, you’re so bossy! I’m coming in the house now, I’ll be up in a second.”
“Okay.” The buzz clicked on in my ear, and I hung up, getting up from my bed to open the door just as Ben appeared at the top of the stairs, shoving his cell phone into a pocket on his jacket.
“About fuckin’ time,” I pulled him into the room and pushed him, a little more nicely then I had the night before, towards the bed. He fell back onto the mattress, leaning up on his elbows with a raised eyebrow.
“I thought you wanted me to look at the edit?”
“Later, later,” I waved it away, straddling his hips. “Let me apologize the right way, hmm?”
He reached up, running his fingers through my hair as I kissed him. I unzipped his jacket, pushing it back over his shoulders.
“The door is still open,” He breathed, kissing my cheek as he sat up to pull his jacket off the rest of the way.
“So what –no one’s home but us,” I shrugged, tugging his shirt over his head. “It’s ten o’clock in the morning –Dad is at safely at work and Becca is out until this afternoon.”
“It just feels like we’re asking for someone to walk in.”
“I’ll keep a close ear on the front door…If someone walks in, I’ll stop everything to shut the door. Now shut up, please?” I asked, pressing my lips down his chest. His skin was smooth under my fingers, and the smell of apple shampoo was fresh in his hair.
“Billy didn’t have anything other then apple, hm?” I leaned forward to smell his hair. “I’m not sure how I feel about you sleeping over there by the way.”
“Well, it was Billy’s or the street. I choose Billy’s.”
“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.” I kissed him again –one of those deep tongue-involved kisses that even though I wasn’t overly fond of them, I knew that Ben liked.
“That’s a good start, but there’s another way –a better way.”
“I know,” I sighed, shifting to one side, and leaning on my elbow. He shifted his eyes at me, and raised an eyebrow.
“What’s wrong?”
“It still bothers me that I’m not your first, Ben.”
“But I’ll still be yours. And there are still loads of things we haven’t tried together. Why is the fact that I’ve had my dick in some other guy –just one other guy, such a big deal?”
“Because, Ben. I wanted to be that ‘some other guy’.”
“You want to know why I didn’t wait for you?” He asked,
“Why?” I replied, not sure if I really wanted to hear this crappy answer he had set up. Like he was going to magically say something that would make everything I was feeling about this just disappear.
“Because, when we did do it, I wanted to know before hand what it should be like, feel like, what I should do…so I didn’t hurt you. You want you to like this, not fuck it up and have you never want to try it again, even if I mess up.”
“Ben, you’re not going to hurt me.” I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, now I won’t. Before I was a fucking bumbling fool. I know what I’m doing now!”
“Because of this other guy.”
“Because I totally fucked up when I was with the other guy.” He shook his head. “It was awful. I mean, he was a good sport about it and all, but I could tell he was thinking what a mistake it had been the whole time.”
“Ben…” I shook my head, not able to hold back my smile. “Just, shut up.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing our lips together in a chaste little kiss. “Fuck me.”
“Are you sure?” Ben tugged his fingers through my hair.
I nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Like…really-really sure. You want to do this?”
“Ben, I said yes.” I sighed, scooting over him to get off of the bed. I crossed the floor to close the door before turning back to him. “I want to, okay?” I pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it towards my chair near the desk. My jeaned unzipped easily and fell past my hips and thighs to pool onto the floor. I moved back over to the bed, yanking Ben’s sneakers and socks off his feet, tossing them aside with loud clunking noises. He leaned up on his elbows to watch as I unzipped his jeans.
“Lift your hips up,” I requested, brushing my fingernails against his bare hips as I moved to yank off the last of this clothes. He did, and watched the denim soar across the room.
“You’ve still got something in the way,” He sat up, entwining his legs with mine as he perched on the edge of the bed. His lips and tongue nipped at my stomach and his fingers pushed away my shorts. They joined the growing pile on the floor, and Ben pulled wrapped his arms around me to pull me back onto the bed.
He stopped kissing me long enough to look up, “How do you want to do it?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know. What’s easiest?”
He hummed, “Well, I think for your first time a missionary will be best. Maybe we should move to the floor, hmm?”
I nodded, backing away from him, “Let’s pull off one of the blankets though, you know…for padding.”
Ben nodded in agreement and pulled the top cover off of my bed, spreading it out on the floor. Then he grabbed a couple of the pillows and tossed those down too. “We’ll want those later.”
“What about…you know, the stuff?” I asked, putting my hands on his bare hips.
“Oh,” He smiled, licking my lips softly. “I picked them up last night –I knew you’d give in.” He kissed me, fully on the lips, his tongue brushing the tip of mine before he backed away to pick up his jacket. He dug around in an inner pocket, and came back to me with a bottle of unopened lube and a few foil packets.
“Okay…we don’t have to use these.” He put his arms over my shoulders. “I am totally disease free, and I think it is fairly safe to assume that you are too.” He nudged my face up with his to kiss me. “But, I think it would be a good idea.” He raised an eyebrow. “Is this going to be another argument or are you just going to go along with what I tell you to do?”
“Well…the bedroom is your domain, so…what you say goes, Ben.” I shrugged.
“That is such a lie,” He smiled, shaking his head. “I still do everything you tell me…I always think of you when we’re doing things.” His arms slipped around my waist as he dropped our supplies to the floor. “C’mon, lay down.” He started to sink to the ground, and I followed. “Are you nervous?” He asked, covering my body with his, starting out the way we usually did with our bodies rubbing together. He had paused long enough to open the bottle of lube and pour it liberally along our members, rubbing his hands over both of our pieces before letting them slip and slide naturally together and harden.
I nodded, “Just a little.”
“Don’t be,” Ben shook his head, his lips on my chin, my jaw, my temple, my throat –everywhere but my lips. “You’ll like this, I promise.”
“Hmm, if you don’t stop frotting soon, I don’t think we’ll get to the main event. I’m already dangerously close…” I hummed, stretching my arms above my head.
He laughed, kissing me and giving me one last teasing thrust before he moved away. My body groaned with me at the loss of contact, and Ben nudged my hip. “Okay, get up on all fours. Take a pillow to lean on,” He suggested.
I did as he said, hugging the pillow to my chest. Behind me, Ben adjusted me to where he wanted me, adjusting the slant of my back by moving my knees apart. His hands skated across my skin, his nails gently scratching little lines over my backside. Then he put his mouth to my opening and I just about died. One of his hands was between my legs, the other spreading my cheeks apart while his tongue did some kind of dance. Then he moved away, and I couldn’t hold back the disappointed noise that passed my lips.
“Don’t fret,” He pressed a kiss to my hip. “I’m just grabbing more lube.” The liquid was cool as it fell across my skin, and he made quick work of rubbing it where he needed it. “I’m going to use my fingers first, okay? Just relax your muscles. Push out, don’t like suck it in.”
I nodded. I was finding it kind of sexy that Ben was explaining what he was doing as he did it –it made me feel like he was more experienced (which I guess he was…), and more at ease. It was as if he was training a new sex slave –which I was more then willing to be, for Ben. I gasp as his finger prodded inside. Just one at first, and I groaned Why hadn’t we done this sooner? His first was joined by a second, and I felt more lube be spread inside and out of me before he added a third..
“Are you ready?” His fingers were still thrusting in and out of me as he got up on his knees behind me to leaned forward and whisper in my ear. “I can do more of this if you need more time.”
I shook my head, “Any more of this and I’m going to come. Do it.” He made a small noise of agreement before he withdrew his fingers. I moaned –loudly. He laughed at me again, and I turned just enough to watch him open one of the foil wrappers and slid a transparent sheath over his penis. The tips of his fingers were soon after replaced by something else –something slightly larger, rounder, and harder.
“Do the same thing now –you did really good, Riley.” Ben’s hands were on my hips, and the tip of his cock was slowly pressing down, gaining entrance inside of me. I moaned louder, shifting my knees a little further apart, and unclenching the pillow from my chest. Ben groaned at the little shift, and tugged on my hips. “A little higher. You’re too low.”
“Are you in yet?” I asked. I could feel the he was definitely inside of me now, but I couldn’t tell if it was all of him.
“Not quite all the way. Give yourself some time,” His hands rubbed at my shoulders. “Relax.” His hands kneaded and massaged their way down my back until I could feel his pelvis pressing against my backside, his balls pressing almost against mine. I swore, and he grinned, leaning forward to kiss a trail down my back.
“Are you okay? Does it feel good?”
“It feels good,” I confirmed. “Different, but I think it’s good.”
He pulled out just a little, tugging my cheeks apart. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into my arm. He kissed me on the cheek.
“Ready to go all the way?” He asked. “You tell me to stop if it doesn’t feel right, or it hurts.” He titled my face to kiss my lips. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I nodded, “Okay. Go for it.”
He let me go, putting his hands back on my hips, grasping me tightly in his hands as he withdrew, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding as he pushed back into me. I hugged the pillow more tightly to my chest, and tried to just enjoy the new sensations and not think to much about other things that were suddenly racing through my mind. My head was spinning by the time Ben had built up a rhythm and reached around to stroke me. My mouth dropped open, but there wasn’t any air left to make a sound.
“Are you okay?” Ben’s voice was in my ear again. “You’re sure you’re breathing?”
I nodded, taking a big gulp of air, “I’m fine.”
“Good…I don’t want you pass out before we’re finished.” He kissed my cheek. He paused for the last time to give us a little more lube before he leaned forward again, “I’m almost done, and then I’ll finish you…okay?”
I nodded, hugging the pillow even tighter then before. He kissed me again before putting his hands back on my stomach. He thrust in harder then before –faster then before. A small noise of pain when unnoticed, but the second –a louder one didn’t. He slowed, moving out of me. I couldn’t help the whine that sounded as he popped out. Just a hard touch on my hip had me sprawled on my back. He pulled the condom off and started stroking himself.
“Why’d you stop?” I asked, watching him, biting my tongue as he bit his bottom lip –one of his little things he did while masturbating that drove me absolutely crazy.
“I was hurting you, so I stopped.” He shrugged. He rubbed a hand between my legs, and I groaned. Then he pushed me back onto the pillow, pressing our bodies together and thrusting forward. I wouldn’t reprimand him yet –I’d wait until we were both finished.
It didn’t take long before both of us were covered in each others (and our own) come. Ben lay on top of me for a moment, his face pressed against my shoulder for a minute, still gently rocking with his toes pressing against the carpet. He kissed a line to my lips before he rolled away, wiping his arm across his sweat-covered forehead.
I shifted onto my side, locking a leg in with his, “You could have finished, Ben.”
“I just did! –Or did you not feel the six or seven jets of my come mixing in with yours?” His head lolled towards mine. I smiled, shaking my head.
“I wanted you to finish inside of me. You didn’t have to stop.”
“Yes, I did.” He shifted onto his side too, leaning up on an elbow, “I wasn’t going to hurt you, so I stopped.”
“Ben…You weren’t hurting me. And even if you were, it’s just a part of what we were doing. People hurt. I mean, it’s a violation of nature, you know? Things aren’t really meant to go up there.”
He smiled, leaning forward to kiss me, “Next time, I’ll finish inside of you then. No matter what kind of noises you’re making.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me just slightly on top o him. We kissed for a few minutes before he sighed, pressing his forehead to mine. “We’ve made kind of a mess here.”
“No one’s home –lets take round two to the shower?” I suggested, getting up on my knees. My body groaned in protest, but I ignored it.
“Yeah, you’ll want a shower –maybe some ice too. He got up on his knees to press his lips to my hip. “You are going to be so sore later, it’s not even funny.”
I took his word for it, and led him towards the bathroom. We were both still naked, and it felt very forbidden to be making the short trip from my bedroom to the bathroom, just down he hall. It was like, at any moment my Dad or Becca could come home and catch us –and then what? Becca would probably just turn around, and walk back down the stairs, but my Dad? Who knew.
“Hey Ben…” I asked, massaging my soapy fingers through his hair while we stood under the hot jets of water a few minutes later. “When you were with the other guy—“
“Riley, no, we are not starting this again. There is no other guy anymore, okay? Just you. Just me.” He kissed me forcefully, to drive his theory home. I laughed, shaking my head.
“No, I just want to know…when you had sex with him, did you top him, or did you bottom for him too?”
He furrowed his eyebrows at me, “Why do you ask?”
“I just want to know…if I can still be your first.”
Ben smiled, shaking his head, “I dunno, Riley. Being a bottom has always kind of freaked me out a little to be honest.”
I smiled back, switching places with him under the spray, and tilting his head back in the water. “I’ll take care of you.”
Once the shampoo was gone from his hair, he looked back down at me. His hands were on my shoulders, his fingers digging into the joints. His knees were knocked against mine, and we touched everywhere in between. He nudged my face upwards, kissing me with a simple passion –a chaste affection.
When he stepped back from our kiss, he smiled, “I know you will. –But not today. I’m having to much fun breaking you in.” His hands slipped down my shoulders to squeeze my backside.
“Ben, we just got clean!”
“But being dirty is way more fun.”