Polar Opposites (Possible Submission Peice?)

Polar Opposites

I haven’t eaten in three days. Or at least, nothing of real substance. I am starving and for no reason other then the fact that I want to. I am already pretty thing. It’s not like I’m going this so I can feel good about myself. I know that what I’m doing is dangerous, but the truth of the matter is, I don’t care.

I’m partaking in other risky behaviors as well. Overall, I’m just not being a well rounded individual. My first year of college and I’m just fucking my life up. Because I don’t care.

And the saddest part of this whole thing is that I should care. I have some good shit going on for me right now, but all I can think about is drinking, fucking, and barely scraping by. Especially the fucking. I love the fucking.

Even now, from my little corner of the campus library, I’m scoping out my next conquest. There’s a straight guy, not even worth my time, sitting in a chair across from me. A professor, looking very out of his element, is at a computer a few feet away. A couple of girls are whispering in the stacks, just out of my line of vision. Usually, this is a hot spot for picking up cute guys, but tonight, it’s cold.

As I get up to go, I see him, He’s gorgeous. He’s looking frustrated, gazing at the numbering system on the end of the shelves, and then at a slip of paper in his hand. I breath for a second before making my move.

“Need some help?”

“Um, I just don’t understand Library of Congress, I guess.”

He’s so shy, it hurts and I’m excited just thinking about how great his skin is going to feel against mine.

“Here, let me see,” I hold out my hand for the slip, which he offers to me. “Ah, it’s this way.” I beckon him to follow me through the stacks. A moment later, I hand him the small GLBT-interest book he was looking for.

“It’s, uh, it’s for a class,” he stammers to explain.

I shrug, “Whatever. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Um, I’m Derrick,” he holds out his hand.

“Luther,” I shake it. “What do you say to some recreation, Derrick?” I raise a suggestive eyebrow.

“R-recreation?”

I lean close to him, “I’m so horny right now…and the bathrooms up here are great for hooking up.”

“I, I’m sorry,” he shakes his head. “I don’t really do that kind of thing.”

I almost can’t suppress the displeased groan, but I manage. I give him a soft little smile and a shrug, “That’s OK. Just thought I’d ask.” I give him my best ‘no hard feelings’ grin and go back to pack up my bag. I take my time, like I’m giving him the chance to change his mind. But he doesn’t, so I make my way down the stairs, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

Once outside, the cool air feels good against my skin. I decide that food would be a good idea. It’s not like I’m trying to starve myself to death, so some solids in my stomach would be excellent. Especially if I wasn’t going to get any sexual nourishment.

“L-luther?”

I turn at the quiet voice that had followed me. My heart leaps, hoping that he has changed his mind.

“Yeah?”

“Um, do you want to have dinner with me?” He asks. I know it has taken him a lot of courage to be able to follow me like this and ask, and that just drives me even more insane. “I don’t really have any friends, and you know, just ‘cause I don’t want to have sex with you—”

I stopped him, “You’re babbling. I was just headed to Commons for dinner, why don’t you come with me?”

“O-okay,” a grin breaks across his face and he’s even cuter. It totally pains me that I am now entering into a totally platonic relationship with him.

“So,” I clear my throat s we start walking again, this time with him by my side. “Is that stutter real, or are you just nervous?”

“Oh, uh, well…I’m nervous as hell,” he begins to turn red.

“How can a boy as cute as you be so nervous? And not have friends? That is ridiculous.”

“I used to be…big.”

“You were fat?”

He nods, “Yeah. I got teased a lot in elementary and middle school, so I don’t really make friends that easily. But I started to diet and exercise in high school and I lost it all.”

I can’t help but imagine what this little demi-god had looked like as a fat kid. I mean, he can’t have been too bad, if he lost it all in high school. He must have realized what I am thinking, because he chimes, like he was reading my thoughts.

“I used to not be able to shop in the Young Men’s section of stores. My Mom finally gave up and just shopped at this little local place called Hefty’s. I was pretty huge.”

“How the hell did you lose it all then?”

“Exercise. Low-fat diet. It actually came off pretty easy once I stopped stuffing my face every time some kid called me Lardo or Tubby.”

“Aw,” a little frown makes me pout. “That’s sad.”

“Yeah, well, kids are cruel.” He turns to look down the street as we make our way to cross.

“Trust me, I am not like those kids. I think you’re hot,” I grin and take his hand in mine. I notice he kinds of tenses up, but I don’t say anything about it, instead tugging him towards the dining hall.

The Commons is pretty quiet when we go in. I drop his hand and pretend not to notice when he rubs his palm against his thigh, like I am some kind of dirty tramp with the gall to touch him or something.

He follows behind me like a puppy and we both pick up trays. We each get a burger and fries. He adds a salad and a side of cottage cheese to his tray, while I opt for a bowl of soup and a piece of cake. To drink, we both get a glass of coke –then he gets a chocolate milk while I get a juice.

I kind of figure this much food will be a bad idea, but I also don’t want to rouse any kind of suspicion. We pay for our meals and then slid into a table near the back.

“So, do you proposition guys in the library a lot, or am I just special?”

“Well, if I tell you what you want to hear, are you more likely to sleep with me?” I raise an eyebrow, coyly.

“Um, probably not,” he shakes his head. “It’s not that I don’t find you attractive, but…well, I don’t have sex.” I must look confused, because he feels the need to continue. “I mean, it’s not that I can’t. I just don’t. It’s like a phobia, I guess. I like sex! I know like everything there is to know about it –gay or straight. Ask me anything, seriously.”

“Wait –you don’t have sex, but…?”

“I read a lot. It’s like…a hobby.”

“I think that is one of the most fucked up things I have ever heard.”

His face is totally red and it’s just fueling the licking flames of desire in the pit of my stomach. He is driving me mad. How could a guy so cute be such an innocent? Former fatty or not.

I watch him lean over his tray and carefully eat his cottage cheese. Then he carefully assembles his burger. No-Fat mayo on the top bun, layer of spinach, two tomatoes, a sprinkle of minced onions, and a little extra mayo on the burger to hold the toppings together. But then he doesn’t eat it. He moves instead to his salad –spinach leaves, low-fat French dressing, and shredded cheddar cheese.

I’m not even hungry anymore, amazed with watching him eat. He shifts his glasses, blows, and plates around on his tray. He keeps his head down until he realizes I’m watching him, just drinking my coke.

“Something wrong?”

I shake my head, “No, not especially.”

“Then, could you stop watching me? It’s a little weird.”

“And you’re a little OCD.”

There is that goddamn blush again. It makes me want to pick him up and bend him over his chair. But I don’t think that he would be too keen on that idea.

“Maybe, just a little.”

“You’re very methodical,” I shrug. “I’m not making fun of you. It’s cute.”

“It’s not cute,” he rolls his eyes. “It’s obnoxious.”

“It’s endearing.”

“You just say that because you think you want to have sex with me.”

“I think? No, no, no. I know I want to have sex with you.” I finally take a bite of my plain burger. My stomach seems pleased, even if my tastebuds aren’t overly stimulated. “I don’t sleep with just anyone,” I tell him. “I’m rather easy, but you gotta be willing to play by my rules. You gotta met my criteria. Picking up guys is harder then you might think.”

“I never said anything about that. I just mean, you don’t want to have sex with ‘me’. You want to have sex with my body. You don’t actually care anything about ‘me’.”

I lean back in my chair, processing what he has just said. It made a lot of sense. I didn’t really give a crap at all about the guys I slept with. Most of them, I probably couldn’t even put a name to a face. And that was bad. Really bad. My head finally clicked together all of my dangerous activities over the last couple of months and I found a myriad of questions running through my head.

Had I used protection that first time? Did I swallow that one time with that guy in the Tech Ed building? What about that kid down the hall in the dorms? When was the last time I checked the expiration date on my stash of condoms?

“Luther? Are you okay? I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

“I’m not mad,” I shake my head.

“Are you sure? You look mad.”

“Mad at myself, not at you,” I shake my head again. “I’m just realizing I’m kind of a fuck up…and generally, a really bad person.”

He frowns, “You’re not a bad person.”

“You don’t even know me. And you should count yourself lucky that you said you weren’t interested in me –”

“I never said that I wasn’t interested in you. I just said I don’t have sex.”

“Whatever. Be glad.”

His frown deepens, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a nineteen year old virgin? And not like by choice either. I really wish I could be more like you.”

“More like me?”

“You may have noticed, I’m not exactly normal,” he raises an eyebrow. “I’d give anything to be flirty and promiscuous like you. But I can’t, because if I were to try that…it would just turn out horribly wrong.”

“Are you religious or something?”

He shakes his head, “Not at all. Just painfully shy and incapable of physical contact.”

“You let me hold your hand,” I point out.

“I let you, but I didn’t like it.”

I hum, trying to understand, but having trouble. “So…how do you do it?” I finally ask, “How do you abstain?”

“Umm, I don’t know. I guess I just kind of have become a shut-in. But, I obviously don’t proposition people, and people don’t proposition me.”

“Even people you find attractive?”

He looks shocked, “Especially not people I find attractive! I’m no Casanova! I stay in the background and try not to be noticed.”

“Well, that’s no way to get laid,” I roll my eyes.

“I want my first time to be special,” he looks down at his tray. His face is turning pink again. “I know that sounds stupid, but I want to be love, you know?”

“Honey, it could be years before you fall in love.”

“I can wait,” he shrugs, looking up at me again. “I mean, I don’t think I’m the kind of person who will find their soul mate and that’s going to be only person I’m ever with. I don’t want to be that kind of person. I want to fall in love. I want to have my heart broken. Does that sound weird?”

“No…not really.”

After we parted, I thought about what he said. And I realized, that maybe he had the right idea. He wasn’t saying no to me because he wanted to. He wasn’t even putting down the general idea of sex. He had a right to a ‘special’ first time. Deserved it even. And as I thought about it, the more I realized, that I had always wanted the same thing he did. To love, lose, and live to love again.

I Kissed A Boy

I Kissed A Boy

The club was loud, and my friends were just adding to the din with their raucous laughter and jibbing. I had been hanging to the back of the group for some time now, like I usually did. I liked to watch them –a fairly well sized group of straight boys, laughing and touching each other rather inappropriately. And there I was, the token gay guy who had to silently grin and bear it or be ousted. They knew I was gay and I was still their friend, but when I had come out to them, the rules had changed…

“Hey man,” a large arm wrapped around my neck, “stop being such a lonely queer over here, huh?” I laughed as his knuckles ground into the top of my head.

“Well, you guys are just giving me such a great show, why ruin it?” I didn’t really fight that hard to get out of his arms… He was my favorite. Cute, athletic looking. Great body. I had enjoyed having Gym class with him all through high school and rooming with him our first year of college. I had seen the boy naked, and damn was he a fine specimen of man.

“That’s sick dude; you gotta tell us when we’re being gay,” he teased.

“Sorry man,” I finally brushed his hands away. He felt too good, especially when I knew nothing could ever happen between us. “I see some fine lookin’ ladies over there –why don’t we ask them to dance?”

“I’ve got a better idea,” he grinned. He gave a little nod at our friends to leave us alone, before dragging me to the dance floor.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Trust me –they’ll come to us,” he winked. He put his hands on my hips, and pulled me up against him, grinding us together.

“Jesus fucking…” I whispered, looking down. “Dude…”

“Relax.” He leaned close, swaying my hips in time with his and put his mouth right next to my ear. “Ladies love the gay thing.”

“Which might work well when you’re straight but I am…you know.”

“I know,” he grinned, leaning back to look at me. “But face it –how many times in your life is a half-decent straight dude gonna let you get this close to you? It’s like a fetish for you gays, isn’t it?”

My mouth dropped open, “Excuse me? Not all gay guys like the straights, okay?”

He laughed, “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I am offended!”

“Let me make it up to you then?” He leaned close again. His lips brushed the spot just below my ear. I could feel my face getting hot.

“Dude, I don’t want to be your ploy to pick up chicks.”

“That’s good, ‘cause to be honest, I don’t really want them… I think my girlfriend might get a little pissed,” he laughed again. That laugh made my knees feel like jelly, but I managed to stay on my feet.

“And you dancing with me isn’t going to piss her off?” I raised an eyebrow. “Am I some kind of scapegoat or something?”

“Of course not,” he frowned. The song changed, something a little slower as the night was starting to wind down. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pressed his forehead to mine. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Dude…we’ve been best friend since middle school,” I gave in to him and put my arms over his shoulders while we continued to dance.

“And I know you’ve watched me with those love-sick-puppy eyes for at least the last three of those eight awful years.” He raised an eyebrow suggestively, and then frowned at my bark of laughter.

After a moment, I sobered, “Man, c’mon…I’m gay, you’re not. Sure, I’ve had a little crush like every gay guy gets on his straight best friend, but…I knew thing could become of it. That’s okay with me.”

“I don’t know where you got that idea from,” he shrugged. “I figured you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“That…I’m not completely straight. I mean, yeah, I love the girls, but…seriously. Dudes are hot.”

“You such a pig,” I hit him on the shoulder. He laughed, but didn’t flinch or move way from me. “Why are you telling me now?”

“Because…you look really good tonight, and…I’m finally at a place in my relationship with Rachel where I think it’d be okay if I branched out a little more to explore my sexuality.”

“Wait, does she know about this?”

“Not really…but I trust you not to tell her. And if you do and she get pissed, well…fuck her.” He leaned forward and for the first time ever, I felt his lips against mine.

I had admired his lips for a long time. A pouty bottom lip, that just seemed perfect for biting and sucking, and a thin, but not too-thin upper lip. And now they were on mine; my heart was beating faster than it ever had before and I thought I might pass out.

“Wh-what was that for?” I stammered as he pulled away.

“I told you,” he grinned, pressing his forehead to mine. “You look really good tonight.”

“And that was like my reward or something?”

“Or something…if you’d let me, I’d like to give you an even better reward later,” he smirked. I couldn’t believe such dirty things were coming out of his mouth. …What scared me most was that, I had dreamed about this come-on for years –way longer then he even realized. And now it was here, and it was really happening, but it still didn’t feel right to me.

“I-I-I have to go,” I pushed his arms away and stepped away from him. The crowd in the club seemed to have gotten thicker as I tried to make my way to the door. I heard my name being called by our friends but I ignored them. It wasn’t like we had all come in one car, and I hadn’t been officially appointed as designated driver. They were big boys, they could take care of themselves.

“Hey, wait.”

He was right behind me, which kind of surprised me in a way. I guess I had just expected him to drop it, not follow me. He was going to take this infatuation to a whole new level.

“No,” I jerked my arm out of his grasp as he grabbed hold of me. “I won’t do it, man.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not going to ruin our friendship by having sex with you.”

“Dude, I never said anything about having sex with you!”

“It doesn’t matter –anything that I do with you that isn’t strictly platonic is just going to blow up in our faces. So just…leave me alone, okay?”

He looked hurt. My first instinct was to comfort him, but then that would just reiterate the whole spiel and start all over again in a vicious cycle.

“I think you’re taking this entirely the wrong way,” he shook his head.

“I really don’t think I am.”

“Look, I just,” he sighed. “You’re like one of the only guys I trust enough to…put myself out there for. Plus, I know you like me, and we’re already friend so I figured we could just bypass all that other shit that goes along with—“

“No,” I shook my head. “Look, trying to start something with me is just going to turn into shit for us, regardless. We’re like best friends! I’m gay, you’re not. You have a girlfriend, I..I’ve got nothing.”

“You’ve got me! I’m standing here telling you that I want to be more than just your friend! Why are you pushing me away?”

“Because, man! You’re not…I just can’t! I can’t risk our almost ten years of friendship just to fuck you once –or whatever the hell it is that you think you want from me, just so you can ‘explore’. I’ve helped out enough guys who were just exploring. I’ve even had my heart broken by a couple of those assholes. I won’t let you do it to me!”

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” he shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that to you, you know it!”

“I don’t know it! And that’s why I’m leaving.”

“No,” he grabbed hold of me again. His grip was tight and I felt like he would break my wrist if I tried to pull away. “I won’t let you just walk away from it. I need to know how you feel about me.”

“I love you, you stupid fuck!” I kicked him in the shin. He let go of my arm, and went straight to nursing his leg. I took the opportunity to sprint way as quickly as possible. I hadn’t run since I was on the Track team in high school, two years before and ran out of breath quickly, but he wasn’t chasing me.

I fumbled with my keys, nearly dropping them in the puddle beside my car door, but I managed to unlock it and slide behind the steering wheel. I could see him limping his way down the sidewalk to the parking lot. I shoved my keys into the ignition and backed out of the spot. I probably should have expected him to do something as stupid as stepping out in front of my car, but I didn’t. My breaks squealed as I stopped for him.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled at him. He didn’t answer as he came around, and slid into the passenger seat. “Get the fuck out of my car, asshole.”

“No, I’m not finished. I think you should at least hear me out,” he pulled on his seat belt and then leaned down to rub his shin. “And CHRIST, did you have to kick me so fucking hard? God, you can be such a douche bag.”

I shook my head, “Fine, say whatever the fuck you have to say.” I rolled my eyes and started to drive back towards campus and our dorms.

“I didn’t come on to you tonight to piss you off. I was hitting on you because I genuinely would like to do things to you.”

“Things? What the hell man, are we eighth graders?”

“What do you want me to say? You want me to come out and say that I want to suck your dick? That I want to fuck your ass? That I might even be open to the idea of you fucking mine? Seriously, man,” he shook his head.

“Why with me?” I asked, not really sure if I actually wanted to know the answer.

“Because…I think I love you.”

“You love me as your best friend, not as your boyfriend, certainly not as your lover.”

“But…I still love you! It doesn’t mean that if it doesn’t work out that I’m going to just dump you!”

“I can’t get into a relationship with a straight guy right now! I mean, it’s hard enough to find a gay guy whose interest I can keep for more than a month and a half.”

“You’ve kept my attention for two years!” He sighed, exasperated. “I’m finally ready to pursue it!”

“Fuck you,” I shook my head. “Why couldn’t you have gotten the balls to do this when we were living together? Or fuck, even back in high school? We’re twenty years old; we’re too old to be doing this kind of shit to each other.”

“I’m just…I’m really confused, okay?” He shook his head. He was averting his eyes out of the window, like he couldn’t look at me while he was talking to me. I knew this was weird and probably really hard for him. As guys…we don’t talk about this kind of stuff, but it’s important. “I keep having these really sexual thoughts about, well, you –and other guys of course. But it’s like, I know that you’re not going to just totally dismiss me if I suck at being gay.”

“I am pretty certain that you can’t suck at being gay,” I rolled my eyes. “Besides, you’re not gay! You’re straight and confused!”

“I think I know what I am, okay?”

“Okay, okay…just…stop for a second, alright?” I pulled into an empty parking spot outside of our dormitories and cut the engine we both unclipped our seatbelts. “You need to seriously think about what you’re telling me you want to do.”

“I have seriously thought about it. Do you really thing I would initiate something that I wasn’t prepared for? I’m not stupid.”

“I know you’re not stupid,” I shook my head. I couldn’t stop myself. I reached over and pushed a lock of hair out of his face. “I’m not saying that you’re stupid. I’m saying that…you confuse the hell out of me.”

“I’m not trying to confuse you!”

I shook my head, leaning back in my seat, “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he shook his head. “Just…be open.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

I turned to look at him again. He looked so cute with his hair starting to fall over his face, and his layered shirts and his tight jeans. He looked good. I wanted really badly to be able to give in to him. I wanted to let him take me back to his room and do all of those dirty things that he wanted to do, but…that wasn’t me. I couldn’t do it. I had too much respect and admiration for him to let him do that to himself –and to me. And I told him that.

“Fuck that,” he shook his head. “I want you.”

“There are lot of other guys you can experiment with.”

“I don’t want just any other guy,” he shifted in the seat. The car was cramped and he pressed me against the door to kiss me again. My head hit the glass, but barely noticed as his hands shoved under my shirt. His finger tips were hot and expert as they stroked my skin.

“Jesus, why are you crying?” he pressed his forehead to mine. He reached up, brushing his thumbs under my eyes. “Don’t cry, asshole.”

“You’re so fucking perfect and adorable and…I want the same thing you do, but I can’t. I can’t…I can’t really explain why, but it just can’t happen, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay!”

“Just…leave me alone for awhile, okay?” I pushed him back into his seat, and started to get out of the car. He was right behind me though, as I started to walk towards our dormitory.

“You can’t just leave me hanging like this!”

“I can,” I shook my head. “I don’t have to explain shit to you.”

“The hell you don’t,” he grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around to face him. “Why are you making this so hard?”

“Because you’re so important to me! If you were just some guy at the club, fuck yes I would love to hook up with you, but you aren’t! You actually mean something to me! And if I meant anything to you, you would just stop right now and not push me so hard, okay?” I broke away from him again and continued on my way to my building. He didn’t say anything to me as he followed behind me. He lived in the same building –same floor, but at least we weren’t roommates anymore. If we were still roommates, I had a feeling that the issue wouldn’t be over.

He stood quietly next to me, his arms crossed over his chest as we took the elevator upstairs. When the doors open, he slid past me and stepped out first, moving in the opposite direction as me. I saw him hesitate before he turned the corner towards his room, but he didn’t stop to say anything and I certainly didn’t stop to say anything to him.

My room seemed empty and uninviting as I unlocked the door and slid inside. I didn’t bother turning on any lights as I pulled off my clothes and threw them into my clothes basket. It occurred to me that rather then party, I should have done laundry. Maybe if I had, this entire mess with him would have been avoided.

I slid into bed, and tucked my arm under my pillow. I wasn’t really tired, but I didn’t know what else to do. My roommate wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours (maybe even morning), and I really hoped I would be unconscious by then. I sighed, shifting onto my side. The silence was overwhelming and I felt like it was pressing down on me like this huge black cloak, trying to suffocate me. Minutes passed. Then an hour, and an hour and a half.

I jumped when I heard my cell phone ring. I leaned over the bed to grab it from where it had dropped out of my pocket when I changed.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come over?”

“Dude, no,” I sighed. It was him, of course. “I’ve had enough of this for one night. Get some sleep or something and just…let it go.”

“I can’t! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to say that shit to you tonight? I don’t want to do anything, I promise! I just…I can’t be in my room by myself, okay?”

I sighed, “Fine. Come over. The door is open.”

“K. I’ll see you in a few then.” He hung up, and I sighed, snapping the flip-top closed before letting it fall from my fingers to the floor again. It only took him a minute or so to give one small knock on the door before opening it.

“You want this locked?”

“It’s fine,” I shook my head.

He made his way through the dark to my bed, and sat down next to me, “I’m sorry tonight went so badly. I really…I guess I didn’t think it through, and it all just kind of came out.”

“It’s fine,” I shook my head.

“I really do like you though…you know, like that.”

I shook my head, “It’s not happening, okay?”

“I know that!”

“Then…seriously dude, just…sit and be quiet, okay?”

He sighed. I was kind of surprised when he stretched out next to me, laying his head on my arm. He kissed me for the third time that night. He pushed close to me, wrapping his arms around me. My first instinct was to protest, but the longer he kissed me and the further his fingers coaxed along my skin…

“You just won’t take no for an answer, won’t you?”

“I can’t,” he shook his head. “I’ve held on to this for too long.”

“What about Rachel, huh? You know, your girlfriend.”

“What about her?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “This isn’t about her at all. This is about you and me.” It didn’t feel so strange, so overpowering as he kissed me again. I had qualms, but I let myself give in to him. I shifted on my side and finally kissed him back, sucking that pouty lip between mine. I felt him smile and gently push against me. He was a good kisser, and we kept at it for a few minutes. My lips felt damp when I finally leaned away from him.

“Okay, we can do this, but…it can’t be like, a thing okay?”

He nodded, “Okay. Simple, easy, no strings attached; I totally understand.”

“Good,” I nodded. “Now…keep kissing me.” I leaned forward to initiate this time. It didn’t take much for him to slip down to press that perfect mouth against my throat, and then my chest. His jeans caught on the blanket between us as he slid over top of me. My fingers linked into his belt loops, and I tugged his lips back to mine. He tugged down the blanket, pushing it out of the way. His jeans felt heavy through my boxers, and I couldn’t resist the urge to reach down and unzip them. All of my high school fantasies started to come true as I stroked my fingers along his package for the first time. His jeans pushed easily down his hips.

“Hold on a sec,” he breathed. He shifted to pull off his jeans the rest of the way, and then tugged his shirt over his head before resuming his position on top of me. He pressed his hips to mine, thrusting our bodies together as we kissed. I’d been with a handful of guys, but this was like the most erotic thing I had ever been a part of… Like a forbidden fruit had just been handed to me, and it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. I was just waiting for the food poisoning to kick in.

His mouth moved to bite softly on my ear, “I want to make you come.” He waited for a second to give me the chance to stop him. But I didn’t, and I leaned up on my elbows to watch him back away and tug my boxers down, and eventually fly off to the other side of the room. He didn’t give himself a change to think twice before putting his mouth over me. I gasped a little, watching him work over it. His fingers stroked my base while his tongue teased my hip. His other hand rubbed between my thighs, his thumb stroking the spot under my balls, and his index finger probed at my opening.

“Jesus,” I sighed.

“What?” Hey looked, licking his damp lips. “You thought I’d suck at this, just ‘cause I haven’t ever done it before? I know things, man. Don’t doubt me.” He grinned, leaning forward to kiss me. His mouth had little traces of precome in it. Usually that might gross me out a little, but on him it was erotic.

“It’s not that,” I shook my head. “You just…you’re full of surprises tonight.”

“I try my best,” he shrugged. We were quiet again as he moved back over me, working his mouth just the right way without my having to give him any direction at all. I felt like I was going to melt when he looked up at me with these slightly puppy-like eyes, like he was asking if what he was doing was okay.

“Oh fuck,” I sighed. I sat up, pulling him away. His mouth was wet with excess saliva and a precome, but I didn’t care at all. His chest against mine was like fire licking my skin. I pushed his boxers down out of the way as I fumbled to reach for the supply box I kept under my bed. “Goddamn it…” I sighed. I moved away from him just long enough to wrench the box from under the bed.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, starting to shift.

“Lay down,” I coaxed. I set the box down on his chest and rummaged through blindly until my fingers wrapped around the familiar bottle. “Yes. Found it.”

“Found what?”

“Lube,” I kissed him. “This will probably be a little cold, just to warn you…but I’ll get you hard again.” The bottle cracked a little as a popped open the top of it. He gave a little groan as I let the bottle pour liberally over our members. My palm wrapped around him, bare, and I stroked the gel-like liquid over us. The slick sound of my hand working over him was kind of a turn on, and I didn’t really lose my erection at all.

I wiped my palm on the blanket, not really caring all that much about a mess. I had to do laundry in the morning anyway, what was a little lube on the comforter? His lips found mine as I pressed our hips together. I began to grind slowly against him at first, sort of testing the water to see how he responded. He grinned against my lips as we kissed.

“Hmm, that feels good,” he groaned. He wrapped an arm around my waist, hoisting me closer. “Do it harder.”

I complied, breathing heavily against his shoulder. If I kissed him anymore, I would probably pass out from the lack of oxygen –and that wouldn’t be very good, seeing as how I was just on the brink…

He grunted a little in his throat, his fingers digging tightly into my hips, thrusting me forward even harder. The lube let us slide easily against one another, and the pocket between our bodies created some nice friction too.

“Ah, fuck –I’m—” he didn’t even get the chance to finish telling me before he tipped his head back and let out the sexiest moan I had ever heard. I felt the sticky evidence of his orgasm between us and that just fueled me. A second later, we were both covered in it, and I rolled away to catch my breath. It felt warm and sticky on my stomach.

He breathed heavily and tilted his head to look at me as I caught my breath.

“What does it taste like?” He asked, running his hand down my chest. The tips of his fingers swirled in the mess on my abdomen.

“Taste and find out,” I shrugged. I watched him pause before he lifted his fingers to lips. His tongue parted his lips to lick it from his fingers. He pondered it for a moment before he shrugged. “It’s…come.”

“As opposed to being…?” I laughed softly. I reached up and stroked his hair.

“I guess I just expected it to be different.”

I shook my head, “Sometimes. It depends on the guy –diet, that kind of thing.”

He nodded. He leaned forward and licked more of it off of me, like getting more of it would give him a better opinion. “I like it.”

“I think it’s best when it’s been on your skin or something first. Fresh from the cock is just…” I cringed. “It’s too warm.”

He shrugged, “Never tried it.” He licked his lips before leaning up to kiss me again. His fingers tugged the tips of my hair and he bit softly at my bottom lip. “Hmm…” he tilted my face up. “Um, I should go clean up.”

I nodded, “Probably.”

“But I’ll come back,” he assured me. “I’m not done with you yet.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

“You could get dressed again and come with me. I hear shower play is really fun.”

“I think I’ll be okay,” I shrugged. “We should get some sleep soon.”

It took him a second before he nodded, “Okay. I’ll be right back.” He kissed my forehead before he slid off of the bed. He fumbled around to find his shorts and pull them back over his hips. The light made me wince as he slipped out of the door. I took the chance to pull on my own boxers again, and wipe away the last traces of our excursion with a towel before I slid back underneath the blanket that had gotten shoved aside on the bed.

I had just closed my eyes when he slid back inside. I heard the familiar lock click as he closed the door, and slid back into bed with me. He didn’t say anything as he wrapped an arm loosely around my waist. His forehead pressed against mine, and I turned my hand to press my palm against his bare chest. His skin was still a little damp from the rinse had taken. I could still just barely smell his cologne as I leaned close.

“Getting frisky?” He teased.

I shook my head, shifting to lean my head against his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head, and I felt my eyes close. This was strange…but not a bad-strange. Strange because it just felt so right, to have his arms wrapped around me; like he belonged there. But I couldn’t help but feel like that forbidden fruit still had a worm inside.