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Note: I wrote this (apparently) back in November. I may or may not have been watching Queer as Folk at the time… But I re-read it and I actually rather like it.

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It know this sounds weird, but ever since I watched an old show on the internet, I’ve wanted to sleep with an under-aged guy. Sure, that would be kind of make me a pedophile, but I’m not that old! Only twenty…two…almost three. But that isn’t why I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it because there is a sense of broken innocence in sleeping with someone who is still widely considered to be a child. Even when I was in high school, I considered age to just be a number. I was
attracted to guys my own age, but I was also interested in the guys older then me.

It was weird, the first time I stepped into the loud, crowded club. Music thumped off every surface. Warm, overheated bodies pulsed together. I felt like I had just stepped into a paradise. But it was a dangerous paradise. More like a purgatory as I found out. I never drank or anything at the club. Not after I found the guy passed out in the bathroom; overdosed on E. No one seemed to care as the guy just laid there. I knew I didn’t want that guy to ever be me.

I made friends though. Mostly with the guys who hit on me, but I wasn’t actually interested in then being anymore then friends. But for the most part, it was okay. They were good people I could hang out with; a bunch of guys I knew wouldn’t leave me for dead on a bathroom floor.

“You need to loosen up,” David had his mouth pressed practically against my ear so IC ould hear him over the thump-thump-thump of the music. “Go get a drink! Just one won’t kill you, you know!”

“I never thought it would,” I shook my head. “I don’t want one, thanks. If I ended up going home with a guy, I like to do it sober.”

“Michael, Michael, Michael…you are such a prude!”

“Hey, just the fact that I am willing to go home with a stranger negates my being a prude,” I joked, but it was kind of true. Maybe I was a prude. That would probably explain a lot of the shit going on in my head.

David rolled his eyes at me. “You’re never going to come out of this shell of yours.”

“I’m not in—,” my eyes flitted over the crowd of bodies and fell on the most beautiful face I had ever seen. It surprised me. He was new. He popped out from all of the other faces; most striking was that he was young. Very young; like he shouldn’t have even been allowed in. He reached up to brush dark locks of hair behind his ear and I noticed the bright red stamp that marked him as Under-21. Even so, he had a long necked, dark brown beer bottle between two fingers.

“I’ll be right back, Dave.”

David watched me walk away and I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. I climbed the stairs to where the raven god was standing, watching the writhing bodies on the floor.

“If the bouncers catch you with that, they’ll throw you out,” I had to press close to him so he could hear me. My hand wrapped around bottle.

“It was a gift. I figured it would be rude to refuse,” he didn’t have any qualms about moving as close to me as I did to him.

“I’m Michael. You’re new.”

He grinned, “Thanks for the notice. I wasn’t sure what my standing was.”

“What’s your name?” I asked. I didn’t think twice about running my hand up his arm. One of the simplest things I could do to show interest.

“Ben,” he held out his hand to shake. “Ben Mathews.”

“Well Ben-Ben Mathews –what do you say to a dance?”

He looked up over the crowd, “Down there?”

I laughed, “It’s kind of hard to dance on the stairs.”

“Um, sure,” he nodded. He let me take his hand and lead him down the steps to the edge of the floor. I noticed that he pressed close to me, like he was shying away from the rest of the room; like I was the only person in a room of crazies.

“Something wrong?”

“I should warn you…I can’t dance to save my life.”

“That’s okay, I’m crap too.” I smiled. I was showing my teeth –a genuine smile. As soon as I realized, I stopped, turning my face away. “We can be shitty dancers together.”

“You have a really cute smile,” he grinned.

“Shut the fuck up before you make me blush,” I shook my head. “So, how old are you?”

“Well, I can’t lie and tell you twenty-one,” he flashed the red stamped hand. “Don’t tell anyone –I’m seventeen. Almost eighteen!” He added the last part as though it was an afterthought. To reassure me that he wasn’t totally jailbait. But even so, I was more intrigued.

“You ever come to a place like this before?” I asked. I folded his hands into mine and shifted closer.

“Um, a couple of times. I’m not sure if I like it or not… I’ve seen you here before. You just haven’t noticed me before.”

“Sorry, I must have been temporarily blind. You’re the most gorgeous little twink I’ve seen in my life.”

“Now you’re making me blush.”

“That’s okay; it suits you. You’re young enough to make it look cute.”

“You’re cute too. You’re the reason I came back here. I…I was hoping you’d notice me.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” I asked. “We could go some place more quiet. The café down the street…my place.”

He grinned, “How about we see how it goes at the café? And then if it goes well, we can think about going to your place.”

I nodded, “Alright. Let’s go.” I laced my fingers with his and tugged him long behind me. We stepped out from the club and walked down the street to the Pride Café. We were in the heart of “gay” part of town. The best part of town.

“So,” I slid into a booth, “what brings you into this part of town?”

He shrugged, “Just exploring. You know, feeling out new opportunities.”

I nodded, “Sure, but I at least waited until I was legal.”

He nodded,, “Yeah, but once you try it, it’s kind of hard to stop.”

“Right. So, tell me about you, Ben.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know, everything.”

“I go to Jefferson High. I’m a senior. I’m going to the U in the fall for Media Arts. I like to draw…and write. That’s it really.”

I nodded, “Okay.”

“What about you?”

“I work here part-time. Classes at the U for nothing in particular. I like comics, but I can’t draw for shit.”

We looked up as one of the night waitresses came up to get our order. I got coffee and a piece of pie. He ordered a soda and donut.

“So, how many times have you come down here?” I asked, nursing my hot cup between my palms.

“I think this is like my third time. I just like to observe. Watch the crowd. Get the feel for how other guys like me act.”

“You can act anyway you like. You don’t have to find a stereotype to fit in to.”

“That’s not what I mean,” he shook his head. “I like to people-watch.”

“Okay, I get it.”

He sipped his soda and licked the glaze from the pastry off his fingers. Watching his tongue circle his fingertips made me lard. I suppressed my groan, biting my lip. I wanted to take him home and fuck him two ways from Sunday.

We chatted some more while we drink and ate. When we finished, I grabbed the bill and paid. We shuffled back outside and meandered towards my car.

“So, can I give you a ride home?”

“What about your place?”

“Really?”

I wasn’t sure why I was surprised. I had been hoping that the last hour or so would be leading up to such a request.

“Yeah, of course. I mean, that’s part of the point, right?”

I tilted my head to the side, looking at him quizzically, “Ben…you’ve never gone home with a guy before, have you?”

He blushed, “No.”

“Okay, well…you understand though, right?”

“Understand what?”

“You understand that when I ask you to come home with me, I want to have sex with you.”

“Oh…yeah, of course.”

“But you’ve never gone home with a guy before.”

“I just said that.”

“Are you…you know.”

“What?”

“A virgin?”

“Oh…um,” he reached up, pulling on his ear.

“It’s okay,” I smiled. “If you’re sure, just say you want to come with me. Otherwise, I’ll drive you home.”

He thought for a second before looking straight at me. The sharpness of his eyes, so determined, both surprised and aroused me. “I want to go home with you.”

“Okay. Get in.”



“This is a really nice place,” he looked around, shrugging out of his jacket. “This must set you back a pretty-penny.”

I shrugged, “Not my money. Take off your shirt.” I hung up my coat and went to the kitchen. “Drink?”

“No thanks,” he shook his head. I watched him pull his shirt over his head. A smooth expanse of skin –just like I thought. “Um, is this okay?”

“Perfect,” I nodded. “C’mon, the bedroom is this way.” I grabbed the front of his jeans, tugging him along.”

“So,” I pushed him towards the bed. “Here’s how this works. I blow you. Then I fuck you. We both get off. You can stay over if you want, but considering…I don’t endorse it.”

“I told my parents I was staying at a friend’s house,” He leaned up on his palms. “It’s not a problem.”

“Good,” I nodded. “Now, you have thirty seconds to back out before I rip off your pants. Anything to say?”

He shook his head, “No…well, you know.”

“Know what?” I stepped forward, kneeling over him and undoing his jeans. He felt good and sinewy under my hands. Delicious.

“Um…be careful, okay?”

I grinned, rolling my eyes, “I know my way around.” He looked nervous so I dropped my carnal act. “I’ll take care of you, okay? I’m no Jack Pfifer, but I know what I’m doing.”

“Who is Jack Pfifer?”

“Only the hottest guy it he city,” I shook my head. “Just relax and enjoy, okay?” I leaned up, pressing a kiss to his mouth. I groaned. His tongue was sweet. I could taste every drink he had had that night. Beer, a cosmo, maybe even a martini. He gasped a little as I pulled down his jeans and boxers. I didn’t even think about it before taking him into my mouth. He swore, tipping his head back. I grinned, stroking my hands up his stomach.

“Oh Jesus,” he reached up, pressing his palms against the headboard. “What the hell are you doing with your tongue?”

I laughed, “It’s called a blowjob. If you’re a good boy, I might teach you a few things about them.”

His gasps and groans were melodic and wonderful to the ear. I pulled his clothes the rest of the way off before straightening up to kick off my shoes and peeling off my socks. My shirt pulled over my head and got tossed away. I pushed my pants over my hips. He looked up at me appreciatively.

“Wow, you’re chest is about as impressive as your apartment.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment…but it’s not the feature I’d really like to draw your attention to.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I supposed to be looking at your dick? ‘Cause to be honest, it’s pretty great too.”

“You’re pretty good with flattery,” I shifted down onto the bed. “You sure you’ve never done this?”

He shrugged, “I told you –I watch things. I kind of know what’s supposed to happen.”

“Ah, but what about what you want to happen? Are you really going to let me boss you around like this?” I opened the side table drawer and pulled out a condom and some lube. He watched with interest as I ripped open the foil and unrolled the sheath over my member. He hadn’t even touched me and I was harder then he was. “Turn over.”

“…What if I say no?”

“I’ll fuck you right where you sit. That’s a pretty good position too,” I shrugged. The drop of lube was cool, but it just made me harder. “It’s up to you how you want it.”

I stroked myself, slicking up the lube while I let him think it over. Finally, he shifted over onto his stomach. I couldn’t help but grin again, kneeling over him. “Good boy. You’d make a pretty good, given the proper master.”

“That’s a little scary…”

“You’ll learn to push aside your inhibitions,” I promised. “This will probably hurt, so you just need to relax. I’ll take it slow.”

He nodded, folding is arms under his head. He stayed still as I pushed into him. I watched his mouth open in the start of an involuntary protest. Then it turned into a vehement agreement. He shifted, reaching back and grabbing my ass to urge me forward. I leaned down, kissing his back. The noises he made in his throat were like none I had ever heard before.

“Fuck this pansy shit –do it harder.”

“You’ve got quite the mouth on you.”

“I’m just telling you what I want,” he glanced over his shoulder at me. “I should take some kind of control back, right?”

“Of course; but be careful of what you wish for, Newbie. You might get too much.” I pushed harder into him. He squeezed his eyes shut and gave forth a throaty groan.

“It doesn’t matter –really fuck me. Like you would any other guy.”

“Any other guy, I wouldn’t have thought twice –but if you want it,” I pulled free, shifting him onto his back. He looked a little startled but I placated his worry with a kiss while I pulled his legs up over my shoulders. I leaned back, kissing the sides of his knees while I pushed back inside.

“Holy Jesus fuck,” he reached up, gripping the headboard again. His hard-on pressed up between our bodies. His open month was a dark, wet cavern just waiting for my tongue. I tasted those sweet noises from his throat, kissing him until I was forced to surface for air.

The apartment felt hot and I could feel the sweat beading on my skin. I reached up, brushing his hair off his forehead. It slicked back, warm with heat from the sex.

“Harder,” he breathed. He reached up, pulling his fingers through my hair. I picked up the pace, making him shudder with every thrust. His head tipped back, exposing his throat. I bit down softly on smooth, pale skin. “Fuck, I’m gonna come.”

I laughed as the sticky white substance shot spectacularly out onto his chest. I kept pumping, not far behind. When I finished, I rolled away. He looked embaressed, his hand hovering over the mess on his skin like he wanted to brush it away, but wasn’t sure if he should.

“Wait,” I pulled off the condom, tossing it into the trash. I leaned over him and licked a line up his stomach. He shivered. It was still boiling in the room, but since we parted, I could feel the temperature starting to drop back down to normal. After his mess was cleaned up, I shifted off the bed. “How about that drink?”

“Just some water.”

“Sure,” I nodded. “Just wait that pretty ass of yours right here.” I leaned down to kiss him before stepping out into the kitchen. When I came back, he was pulling his clothes back on. “Going somewhere?”

“N-no…”

“Then stay naked,” I pressed a kiss to his lips and the bottle of water into his hand.

“A-are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Not like there’s anyone here but us.”

“Okay,” he nodded, pulling his shorts back off. He sat down on the edge of the bed. “So, what now?”

I hummed, coming behind him and kissing his neck. “Well, give me twenty minutes and we can probably do it again. I’ll make it last longer the next time.” He shied away, opening the water to take a drink. My eyebrows furrowed together, “What? Didn’t you like it?”

“That’s not it!” He shook his head, “It’s…I know we just had sex and that was great, but it’s not like it meant anything.”

“Sex doesn’t always have to mean anything.”

“Doesn’t it? Even if it’s just that we’re both a couple of hot, horny guys with nice dicks and tight asses who like to screw around?”

“You’re a little uptight, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry, I just…I guess I imagined my first time to be more…”

“Romantic?” I laid back against the pillows. “For love? I did too. Then I realized after my first boyfriend…it’s not worth it.”

“What’s not?”

“Love. It’s for pussies. Leave it to the heteros and the lesbians.”

“That’s kind of cynical, isn’t it?”

“That’s just experience talking. You’ll learn,” I tugged him back into the pillows with me. “But, let’s focus on keeping a sexy mood. You’re depressing me. Let me blow your mind.”

“Again?”

I grinned, kissing him, “Yeah. Again.”