Triple J Ranch (Section)

Note: Tired of waiting for JL Langley to give me more of her cowboy series, so...I was forced to take matters into my own hands. I'll full admit to stealing underlying plot and Royal's first name. But the rest is all me, I swear. (If you haven't read Tin Star or The Broken H...you need to. You can borrow them from me; god knows I've read them enough times myself...And if they sit in my room, I just read them over again). Also, too lazy to format right now. Will come back and fix later.
___


Walking across the yard of the Triple J Ranch was difficult, pushing against the brisk December snow that had decided to fall. There had already been a decent layer on the ground that morning before Royal had gotten out of bed. When he’d been doing his morning chores, it had apparently started up again. He sighed, shoving his hands further into his jacket. He hated the snow –more so when it was coming down, then when it was actually on the ground. It just made it harder to get his work done.
“Hey—” Royal turned to the disembodied voice coming from the porch of the main house. “You want some coffee?”
“I gotta go feed the cattle in the South Pasture,” Royal called back.
“They ain’t goin’ no where,” the voice called back.
Royal sighed. He couldn’t feel his toes…a cup of coffee would be nice. He grumbled before making a dash for the enclosed porch. He stomped the snow off his boots as best as he could before stepping onto the mat by the kitchen door.
“How’s things?” the dark haired owner of the Triple J Ranch pressed the hot mug of coffee into his hand after he pulled off his gloves that shoved them into his pocket.
“It’s fuckin’ cold outside!”
Jacob laughed, “Yeah, I figured. That’s why I’m glad I’ve got you around to do all of that physical shit outside.”
“I hate the snow,” Royal grumbled, sipping the hot coffee. He recoiled at the bitter taste and shook his head. “Goddamn, warn a man before you hand him a black cup.”
“I figured you knew,” Jacob shrugged, moving to sit down at the table. “Would you like something to eat? I think there are some muffins? Or, I could make you something.”
Royal raised an eyebrow but shook his head, “No, I’m good. I’ll eat after my work is done.” He took a few tentative steps onto the clean kitchen tile to pour some sugar and creamer into the coffee. He leaned back against the counter to take a sip of the doctored drink and grinned. “Much better.”
“What’s on your agenda today?”
“Well, if it keeps snowing, a whole hell of a lot of nothing. Gotta make sure the cattle have feed in the sheds so they don’t freeze themselves out in the cold, and maybe working on that damn tractor. Why?”
“You want to go over some paperwork with me later?”
“Sure,” Royal nodded, sipping down more of his coffee. He was starting to regain feeling in his fingers, which was nice. “I’ll come in after I finish up in the pasture.”
“Okay,” Jacob nodded. He had an intoxicating smile that made Royal rethink wanting to be alone with him. He gave himself a mental shake before putting down the nearly empty cup.
“I better get back out there. Thanks for the coffee.”
“Any time,” Jacob nodded.
Royal let himself back out onto the porch, taking his time pulling his gloves back on. He straightened his hat down over his ears and took a deep breath before stepping back out into the blistering wind.
An hour later, even more chilled then before, and damp to the bone, Royal stepped into the foreman’s house, situated off to the side of the main house. He kicked his wet boots off by the door, and hung up his jacket. His socks peeled off his feet and he shivered, taking off clothes as he made his way to his bedroom for dry duds. He lay the wet things to dry over the curtain rod in the bathroom, and pulled on some thicker, new jeans that hadn’t quite been broken in yet, and a thick green sweater. Heavy work socks warmed his toes right away. He pulled on a pair of old work boots, warm enough to get him to the Main House, and his thick down jacket. He tugged his hat back onto his head and shoved his hands into his gloves before making another dash back across to the Main House.
“Jacob?” He called, stomping off his boots by the back door. He shook out his pant legs before kicking off the boots and stepping into the kitchen. He shoved his hat and gloves into the pockets of his jacket before hanging it up.
He didn’t hear a reply back, so he tiptoed through the kitchen. He’d been working on the ranch for almost three years now, but that didn’t make him any less uneasy in the Main House. When he’d started working, Jacob’s daddy had been “in charge”, so to speak. He’d hired him behind Jacob’s back –something Royal hadn’t known anything about at the time. He’d just answered the help-wanted ad in the newspaper. He’d found out later that Jacob’s brother, Jeremy, had been the previous foreman and been run off by Papa Trenton for being gay. While Jacob hadn’t had a problem with it, it had caused some drama between father and sons. Jeremy was now comfortably situated at a neighboring ranch, totally in love with his childhood crush, and co-owner of the Bar-T.
Now though, Jack Trenton had died almost a year ago, and there weren’t many sad faces about it. He’d made life living hell for his kids the last two years of his life and while there was the whole, “He’s our Dad” feeling, they hadn’t wasted too much time mourning over him. Jacob took full control of the ranch as the oldest son, and though he had invited Jeremy to come back, his brother had declined, perfectly happy where he had made his new home.
“Jacob?” He called again. He had stopped in the entry way. He could hear soft music coming from somewhere, but he couldn’t tell what exactly it was. “Jacob!”
There was a sound of a bump and a crash, followed by a curse, “In the office, Royal.”
Royal’s face flushed red and he leaned against the door as he opened it, “Sorry –bad time?”
“No, no,” Jacob was brushing coffee out of his lap, “You just surprised me.”
“You want me to get you a towel?”
Jacob sighed, shaking his head, “No, I’ll just go change quick. I’ll be right back. –Get me another cup of coffee though, would ya?”
“Sure thing, Boss.” Royal nodded, picking up the mug. He followed Jacob out of the office, trying not to watch as Jacob unbuttoned his jeans as he made his way for the stairs. He glanced away quickly and darted for the kitchen as he caught a glimpse of underwear. He gave himself another mental shake. Jeremy was the gay one in the family, not Jacob. He should know better.
He started to pour some of the caramel liquid into a fresh mug before he stopped, glancing back at the stairs. “Hey, Jacob?”
“Yeah?”
“How do you take your coffee?”
He heard Jacob laugh, “Thanks for the consideration –I expected pay back for earlier!”
“Yeah, well, what can I say? I’m not an asshole.” Royal grinned.
“Just put in some of that pumpkin spice creamer from the fridge –that should be good enough,” Jacob called back. His voice sounded closer now, and Royal could hear him moving down the stairs. He finished pouring the mug before moving to the fridge. He glanced in the door for the creamer, and found it just as Jacob entered.
“This it?” He held up the copper colored Coffee-Mate bottle. Jacob nodded, pulling open a cupboard to pull out a box of cookies.
Royal poured a bit of the creamer in, before replacing the bottle in the fridge. “Here you go –sorry for startling you.” He offered him the cup.
“It’s OK,” Jacob shrugged. “It happens. Cookie?”
“No thanks,” he shook his head.
“Okay then,” Jacob shrugged. “Grab your own cup and come on into the office then.”
Royal nodded, pouring himself a cup before following after Jacob into the office.
“All right,” Jacob set his coffee and cookies on the coffee table in the middle of the office and grabbed his laptop and a few files off of the desk before settling down on the couch. “Lets get to work then…”
The two worked quietly over the next hour or so. Outside, the snow had started to cease, though you couldn’t tell with the way the wind kept whipping it around. When they’d finished, Jacob stretched his arms over his head and yawned.
“Well, glad that’s done with,” he set his computer aside. “And in time for lunch too.”
“Oh good; I never did get around to breakfast this morning,” Royal pushed himself up from the couch. “I better go make sure the boys have got things under control.”
“Okay,” Jacob nodded. “Oh hey, umm…what are you doing on Friday night?”
Royal shrugged, “Don’t got any plans that I know of. Why?”
“Jeremy and Dan invited us over to play poker –I just forgot to mention it to you.”
“Oh,” Royal nodded. “Sure. Sounds like fun. Do they need me to bring anything?”
Jacob laughed, “Jeremy knew you’d ask that –he said just to bring your cute butt… His words, not mine.”
Royal failed to hold back the red flush that crept up his face, “Oh, well…I think that can be arranged.”
“I’ll let him know you said so,” a small smile tugged at Jacob’s lips.
Royal shoved his feet back into his boots, lacing them up before pulling on his jacket and gloves. He took his time, not really ready to leave the warmth of the Main House. Finally, taking a deep breath, he stepped back into the brisk wind.

Friday was a much better day. The wind had died down, the snow was tamped down enough in the main pathways that he could get away with just wearing work boots, rather than snow boot and still keep his feet warm. No major catastrophes occurred while the cattle were widely left to the elements, and all looked to be happy and healthy –actually enjoying the snow. Crazy bovine.
“You ready for poker tonight?” Jacob had decided to come out to help with some work, rather then hole himself up in the house. He had grabbed an extra pitch fork and was helping one of the hands, Kennedy, muck out stalls, while Royal mended a bridle, seated on a sawhorse in the opposite corner of the barn.
“Yeah, I’m always lookin’ to take more of your money,” Royal looked up for a second to give him a grin. “And your brothers, and that best friend of yours, as well as Timothy Janes and anyone else who might be playing.”
“Pretty big mouth for a guy who loses four-out-five hands,” Jacob elbowed Kennedy who laughed.
“Yeah, but I always make sure that hand I win, wins me big,” Royal raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah…well, I suppose I can’t argue with that, eh?”
“You guys don’t even play for money, do you?” Kennedy asked, taking a short break to lean on his pitchfork. He was a younger guy, probably around twenty or twenty one. He lived with his parents in town and worked part time on the ranch while going to school at the neighboring tech school.
“Naw,” Royal shook his head. “Mostly we play with peanuts, or gummy worms…”
“Or whatever else happens to be in Jer and Dan’s kitchen…”
“Last time, didn’t we play with raisins?”
“Yeah, and Tim kept eatin’ them,” Jacob rolled his eyes. He poked Kennedy in the butt with the end of his pitchfork. “Hey boy, I’m not payin’ to stand about…”
“Oh, right, sorry…” Kennedy shook his head, getting back to work.
The group worked quietly once more, Royal finishing the bridle, just as Kennedy and Jacob finished up the stalls.
“Alright, I’m going to go check on the South Pasture. You want to leave around seven?” Royal asked, putting away his tools.
“Sure,” Jacob nodded. “You want to drive?”
“Sounds good,” Royal nodded back. “Kennedy –get the horses settled for the night and then you can get on home, all right?”
“Thanks Royal,” Kennedy nodded, tipping his hat. “See you tomorrow?”
“Bright and early,” He nodded.
Kennedy waited until Royal was gone before holding his hand out for Jacob’s pitchfork, “I’ll put that away for you, Boss.”
“Thanks,” Jacob nodded.
Kennedy replaced the forks back on their wall pegs before moving for the door that separated the warm barn from the outside coral where the six horses were gallivanting around in the snow. “So…do you think Royal is seeing anyone?”
Jacob raised an eyebrow, “I don’t think he is, why do you ask? Did you hear something?”
Kennedy shrugged, “He just looks like he would be popular with the ladies…and the guys for that matter.”
Jacob’s eyebrow inched higher, “You got somethin’ you wanna say, Kennedy?”
He laughed, shaking his head, “No, no...Royal isn’t my type thanks.”
“Well, I’m not sure if you’re his, so…I guess that’s OK,” Jacob shrugged.
“What about you?” Kennedy started leading the horses into their stalls while Jacob started dishing out feed.
“What about me?”
“You think you’re Royal’s type?”
“I don’t even know if I want to be Royal’s type,” Jacob laughed. “I’m not a bigot or anything like that…I’ll admit to fooling around in college, and I know Jer and Dan enjoy that whole scene…but,” he shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s for me. Plus, Jer would probably kill me for stealing his thunder.”
Kennedy laughed, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He closed the gates after the horses and then started to dish them each out sections of hay. “But…if he was interested, would you?”
Jacob shrugged, “Can’t say I haven’t thought about it…but I don’t know. Maybe. It might be awkward, what with him being my foreman and everything.”
Kennedy nodded, “ ‘Spose I didn’t think about that.”
“It wouldn’t stop you though,” Jacob nudged him with the edge of the feed scoop. “I mean, he’s sorta your boss, but…I wouldn’t say anything.”
He laughed, shaking his head, “No, no…that’s all right. Thanks anyway.”
Jacob shrugged, “Alright, don’t say I didn’t offer to turn a blind eye though.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, should the situation ever arise,” Kennedy assured him. He threw the strings from the bales into the growing pile of them for reuse. “I’m going to head out, unless there was something else you needed me to do?”
Jacob shook his head. “No, I think that the other guys and Royal have everything else covered.”
“G’night then,” Kennedy tipped his hat and zipped up his jacket. “See ya, Boss.”
“Night, Kennedy!”
Jacob patted his horse on the nose as she pushed against his shoulder, “Sorry Girl, no treats today.” He pressed a kiss between her eyes. “Maybe tomorrow. Stay warm.” He patted her head before making sure the doors to the corral were tightly closed and made his way out.
He made his way back up to the Main House for a shower and a quick dinner. He paused to watch Royal park the old cab-John Deere tractor in the shed across from the house. He shook his head, kicking off his shoes outside of the kitchen door and making his way into the house. He started shedding clothes as he made his way upstairs to the bathroom. He turned on the water to get warm before pulling out a towel.
The water felt good and hot against his chilly skin. He shivered and tipped his head back to relish in the new heat before running his fingers through his thick auburn hair. In the think-tank of the shower, he couldn’t help but think about what Kennedy had brought up in the barn –in so few words. Was he interested in Royal? Sure he was, in a way. He was hot. Thick dark hair, well toned body…hard worker, fun to be around, good business mind when it called for it. Dependable. Sexy as hell. But, he hadn’t slept with another guy since college –hadn’t even looked at another guy since then. He’d always been a ladies man –he liked the girls; all shapes and sizes. But something about Royal had irked him, in a good way, ever since he had first laid eyes on him, three years ago.
After he was good and clean, he scrubbed his hair mostly dry with his towel before wrapping it around his waist. After pulling on some comfortable jeans and a nice fitting t-shirt, he made his way downstairs to heat up some left over pasta from the night before. Just as he was finishing, Royal gave a short knock on the door before letting himself in.
“I’m a little early, but do you want to stop into town and pick up some extra beer or chips?”
“If you want,” Jacob nodded. “We can pick up some of those fancy import beers you like so much.”
“Hey, you like them just as much as I do,” Royal shook his head.
“Maybe,” Jacob shrugged, shutting off the kitchen light and pushing Royal back onto the porch. “But I’m still good with a good old Milwaukee Brew.”
“So am I,” Royal shrugged back. “Those Cheese Heads know how to make a good beer.”
Jacob laughed, “You can be such a dumbass.” He shoved his feet into his sneakers and shrugged into his old, worn leather jacket. “It’s a good thing you’re cute.”
“Oh really?”
“Really,” Jacob nodded. “Kennedy thinks so too.”
“Does he?” Royal shoved his hands into his pocket, linking his fingers around his truck keys.
“Yeah, I think so,” Jacob pulled his black Stetson hat onto his head before reaching up to pull Royal’s stocking cap down over his ears. “He asked me if you were seeing anyone.”
“Oh.”
“…Are you?” Jacob’s hands trailed down his foreman’s shoulders before he pulled them back to himself, and shoving his hands into his thin knit gloves. He made his way for the screen door off the porch, making his way towards Royal’s bright blue pick-up.
“I’m not,” Royal shook his head. “I haven’t really had time. ‘sides, the only people I know around here are ranchers and farm hands. I’m pretty sure anyone in town found out I was gay too—“
Jacob stopped, turning around at the truck, “So, you are?”
“Are what?”
“Gay.”
There it was. The word that no one seemed to ever want to say…
Royal was stumped for a second. The intense look that Jacob seemed to be staring at him was throwing him off entirely. Finally, after a good mental shake down, he gave him a pointed look, “Does it matter if I am?”
“I’m just curious. I don’t care who you sleep with –my best friend and my brother have been together for three years. I’m a homophobe; I’m not going to fire you or something.”
“I like girls…I just like guys more,” Royal got into the cab of the truck, and shoved the key into the ignition. “Besides, you were just flirting with me like crazy, so no way can you claim to be straight as an arrow.”
Jacob shook his head, “I never said I was. I experimented in college, like everyone else.” He looked Royal in the eye. “I like guys. I just like girls more.”
A smile tugged at Royal’s lips and he shook his head, “Smart ass.”
The drive into town was quiet. They were almost to the local grocery store when Royal cleared his throat, “So, you think Kennedy likes me, huh?”
Jacob laughed, shaking his head, “I don’t know. I think he was fishin’. Or playin’ matchmaker. One or the other.”
“Fishin’ after me, or fishin’ after you?”
“Well, he asked about you.”
“But he got you to talk about yourself, didn’t he?”
“Maybe a little,” he nodded.
Royal bit his tongue for a second as he threw the truck into park, around the back of the grocery store. After cutting the engine and the lights, casting the two of them into the dark, he shifted to look at Jacob in the hazy darkness. “Be honest…you got a crush on me, Jacob Trenton?”
Now Jacob was the one dumbfounded into silence. It took him an extra second but he finally gave a slight half nod, “Maybe just a small one. But damn if you don’t make it easy –walking around my ranch in those ass-hugging jeans.”
A grin tugged the corners of Royal’s mouth and he licked his lip, “That’s all I wanted to know. C’mon, we’ve got beer to buy.” He slid out of the truck and held back the laugh that almost burst forward when he heard Jacob’s quiet curse.
They made their trip into the grocery a quick one, and arrived at the Bar T Ranch just after seven o’clock.
“Wait a second,” Jacob stopped him before he could open up the door. “Before we go in…all the flirting and the teasing… Not in front of Jeremy and Dan, okay?”
“Not a problem,” Royal shook his head. “I’m good as the Strong Silent type.”
“Don’t I know it,” Jacob rolled his eyes.
Jeremy opened the door to them before they could even get onto the porch.
“Hurry the fuck up assholes, it is freezing!” Jeremy grabbed his brother’s sleeve yanking him into the kitchen. “What took you so long?”
“We stopped for more beers,” Royal held up the two extra six-packs which Jeremy grinned at and took off his hands.
“Awesome. I’ll pop these in the fridge. You want one to start?” He offered.
“Sure, thanks,” Royal grabbed one of the long necks and made his way over to the table where Dan Evans, Timothy Janes –one of Dan’s hands, as well as Stephen Jerico, the town Sherrif and Winston Colt, the Native American foreman of Sheriff Jerico’s parent’s place, the Circle-Eight. “Hey guys –what’re we playing with tonight?“
“We got dried black beans –at least Tim won’t eat those,” Dan stared pointedly at Tim who shrugged and took another plug off his beer.
“Hey man, if it’s just sittin’ in front of me…of course I’m gonna put it in my mouth!”
“I hope I’m not the only one to catch that innuendo,” Royal pulled his cap off and shoved it into his pockets, followed by his gloves. He hung his jacket over the back of his chair before sitting down.
“No man, it’s innuendo all over the place here today,” Dan reached out to pat Jeremy on the ass he walked past with bowls of chips and dip.
“Keep your hands to yourself, asshole. I’m still mad at you,” Jeremy slapped his hands away.
“What’d he do now?” Jacob turned a chair around, sitting down on the other side of Royal. “Forget to hang up his towel in the bathroom again?”
“Among other things,” Jeremy took a chair on the other side of his brother.
“Is this a bedroom issue? ‘Cause I really don’t want to hear about that…” Jacob shook his head.
“No, the bedroom is fine. It’s the only thing he’s got going for him at the moment.
“Shut up,” Dan shook his head. “You love me and you know it. You’re just mad because I paid for your tuition for school next semester.”
“Christ, is that what this is about?” Jacob rolled his eyes. “Damn, Jer, let the man pay for school. You’re workin’ for him, aren’t you? You’re getting the degree to help out, right? Dumbass little brothers…” he smacked Jeremy in the thigh before picking up the deck of cards from the middle of the table. “Dan, you got those beans divided?”
“Yep,” He tossed everyone a full sack of the black beans.
“What the hell are you gonna do with all of these?” Stephen laughed, taking the bag.
“I figured we’d hold on to them for next time,” Dan shrugged. “You know, since we’re too cheap to go buy real chips.”
“Tell me about it,” Winston rolled his eyes.
“Shut up, Chief,” Stephen shook his head.
“All right boys,” Jacob began a fancy shuffle. “The game is Five Card Draw…”

A few hours later, and a couple of empties each, the sheriff and Winston had decided to call it a night. Timothy was stretching, getting up from his chair.
“I’m done for the night, guys. See you in the morning.”
“Night Tim,” Dan tipped his head at him, still shuffling the deck of cards. “How about you two? You up for another game?”
Royal shrugged, “I am, if Jacob is. It’s still early.”
“Well, you three can play another hand if you want, but I’m going to bed,” Jeremy got up and pressed his lips to Dan’s cheek. “Don’t get too drunk down here.” He whispered something secret, just for Dan, before giving him a little smirk and ruffling his hair before making his way for the stairs.
“I swear that boy is going to kill me…” Dan shifted in his chair, dealing out another hand. “What about you? You find a girl yet?” He raised a pointed eyebrow at Jacob. “Your Daddy will be rolling over in his grave if you don’t get workin’ on that soon.”
“Fuck my Daddy,” Jacob rolled his eyes. “I hope that bastard is rollin’ in his grave. I don’t have to live up to his expectations anymore.”
Dan shrugged, “To each his own.”
“Fold,” Royal shook his head, pushing back his chair. “Either of you want another drink?”
They each gave a brief nod and Royal moved to the kitchen to grab a couple more beers from the fridge.
“What about you, Grebe? You got a lady friend yet? You been in town long enough to get some eyelashes batted in your direction,” Dan asked as he came back, uncapping the beer easily.
“Royal is gay,” Jacob informed him.
Dan glanced up at Royal, taking it in for a second before he burst out laughing. He put his beer down before he spilled it and pushed his chair back from the table to lean down on his knees.
“What the hell is so funny?” Royal raised an eyebrow.
Dan leaned up, pressing his palm against his chest. “Oh man…I think I’m gonna have a heart attack. How long?”
“How long what?” Royal furrowed his eyebrows.
“How long has this fool known that you’re gay?”
“About three hours,” Jacob took a sip of his beer to hide the red flush that threatened to creep up his jaw.
“Oh, damn! That is sweet…” he reached across the table to pat Jacob on the arm. “I have to go tell Jer that he lost our bet. I’ll be right back.”
“What…what the hell?” Jacob furrowed his eyebrows. “We’re in the middle of a…a fuck it,” He threw down his cards and crossed his arms. “This is ridiculous.” He cracked open his own fresh beer, taking a long swig of it. “How the hell could they know and not me?”
“Gay men are all born with honed gay-dar. How else do you think we used to find each other?”
Jacob took another swig, albeit a smaller one this time. “Whatever. This is ridiculous.”
“I’m more curious as to what the bet was…confirmation that I was gay, or how long before you figured out that I was gay. Or…”
“Or?”
“Maybe they know you have a crush on me.”
Jacob snorted, “Like my brother would bet on something like that…actually, he would. Never mind.“
“You drink that any faster and I’m going to have to carry you home.”
“Wouldn’t you just love that?” Jacob raised an eyebrow. “Takin’ advantage of a poor drunk guy.”
“I prefer my guys sober,” Royal shrugged, taking his seat across from him at the table. He picked up the cards and started shuffling. “Besides, there hasn’t been anyone special in years. I wouldn’t waste all that pent up frustration on your drunk ass.”
Jacob hummed, giving a nod. “What about if I wasn’t drunk?”
“I thought you said we weren’t going to flirt tonight, Mr. Trenton,” Royal started dealing out cards. “You warned me pretty heavily against it when we got here tonight.”
“That was about four beers ago; I’m not thinkin’ straight anymore.”
“And there is more of that innuendo that’s been so popular here tonight.”
“Shut up,” Jacob picked up his cards, taking a glance at them. “I don’t think you’ve had enough to drink yet.”
“I think you’ve had too much.”
“I ain’t drivin’.”
Royal hummed, turning cards. He collected the small pile of beans as Dan re-emerged from the stairs.
“So…what’s going on?” Dan flipped his chair around to take a seat.
“Nothing’s going on,” Royal shrugged.
“Oh c’mon…you don’t just come out to your boss in this part of the country without some reason.”
“It just…came up,” Royal shrugged. “I don’t lie about it; I never saw the point.”
“So nothings going on?”
“Not for his lack of trying,” Royal raised an eyebrow at Jacob who flushed red again.
“Shut up, you asshole. Don’t you know you should suck up to your boss –not piss him off.”
“Innuendo…” Royal sang.
“Fucker.”
Dan laughed, “Oh man, this is even better then I imagined.”
“Shut the hell up,” Jacob kicked him underneath the table.
“Hey man, I went to college with you. I know what you’re all about,” Dan shrugged.
“You don’t know shit,” Jacob shook his head. “Besides, if anyone is interested in this lunk-head. It’s Kennedy. He’s the one that was asking questions today.”
“Uh huh,” Royal rolled his eyes. “More like, he want to see you laid so you’ll feel friendly with the Christmas Bonus.”
Jacob scoffed, “I am always more then generous with the holiday bonuses.”
Royal hummed again continuing to shuffle the cards, “All right…you’re getting argumentative. I think it’s time to get on home.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Dan nodded. “See you guys next week?”
“Sure thing,” Royal nodded. “C’mon Boss.”
Jacob sighed, pushing back his chair, “Fine. But I’m taking the rest of my beer. Damned if I’m gonna leave it to my queer bestie and brother.”
“Okay, okay,” Royal nodded. He pulled his jacket back on over his shoulders and tugged his hat on. “You grab those, I’ll go start up the truck.”
“Good,” Jacob took his time getting up from his chair.
“…You okay?” Dan raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, I’m fine why do you ask?”
“You just look…I don’t know, disappointed or something.”
“Maybe I am,” Jacob pulled on his jacket and gloves. “But I can’t tell you what exactly it is that I’m disappointed about.”
“Oh?”
“I’m not talking about this anymore,” Jacob shook his head. “G’night.” He gathered the left over six pack. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay,” Dan nodded. He leaned in the door way, watching Jacob take his time to the warming truck…and wished he could be fly on the wall in the cab of that truck on their way home.

“Hurry up, it’s freezing,” Jacob pushed the six pack across the seat before hoisting himself up into the truck. “Why the hell is your truck so high up off the ground?”
“Sorry. You need a hand?”
“I got it,” Jacob slid into the seat and jerked the door closed. After he had clicked on his seat belt, Royal pulled the truck into reverse to start on the way home.
They were quiet for the first couple of minutes. The truck was finally starting to heat up, which was nice. Jacob warmed his hands against the vent and tried to keep from sneaking sideways glances at his foreman, who was having a hard time keeping the smirk off his face.
“So…do you want to just come out and say it or what?” Royal finally asked.
“Say what?”
“That you like me,” Royal’s drawl put a little western inflection on the word ‘like’, and Jacob shook his head.
“I find you attractive. That doesn’t mean that I…like you.”
Royal hummed, “All right.”
“And even if I did, it doesn’t change that I’m straight. Everyone is a little gay in their own way.”
“All right.”
“Just like you’re a little straight in your way,” Jacob shrugged.
“Sure, sure.”
Jacob crossed his arms, turning his head to stare out the window. After a moment he finally let what had been flitting about in his head pass his lips, “It would be different if you liked me.”
The smirk won out, and Royal reached across the cab prod him in the thigh, “Did I ever say I didn’t like you?”
“You never said you did either.”
“Sure I like you,” Royal shrugged. “You’re cute; sexy, even. You’re a hard worker, a good boss. You basically let me run your place, aside from all the paperwork, which is fine with me. What’s not to like?”
“That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“I know what you meant,” he nodded. “I do like you…I like lookin’ at you, I like teasing you even when you don’t get the joke. I like hanging out with you. I like those discrete little touches that happen then you do things: like hand me a cup of coffee. I like working for you, ‘cause it means I get to do all of those things any time I want.”
“Flatterer,” Jacob scoffed.
“Look,” Royal turned into the winding drive way of the Triple J, “I like you…you like me. But, the thing is, that…you’re mostly straight and I’m mostly gay. You’re my boss, I’m your employee. What kind of message would it send to the guys if we suddenly started shackin’ up?”
“That their boss is getting to be in desperate need of satisfaction,” Jacob scoffed.
“Careful there, sarcasm is a bitch to get out of leather.”
“Up yours,” Jacob jerked off his seatbelt as Royal parked his truck in its usual spot by the foreman’s house. He jerked open the door and made to slip from the cab.
“Be careful—“
The warning came too late and Jacob found himself with a face full of snow.
“You okay?” Royal, with a little more agility, made his way around the truck.
“I’m fine,” Jacob got up onto his knees, and shook his head. “Just a bruised pride is all.”
“Hey,” Royal squatted down next to him, and tilted his face up, brushing snow away from his cheeks. “I’m not saying that I don’t want to, or that I wouldn’t sleep with you. I’m just saying that…if we do, it probably shouldn’t turn into a thing.”
“A thing?”
“You know what I mean,” Royal stood up, holding out a hand to him. Jacob took the hand up, and began to brush the snow off his jeans. He watched him for a second before he nodded towards the house. “You want a cup of coffee?”
“Sure,” Jacob nodded. “I suppose you owe me one.”
“Suppose I do,” Royal nodded. “Grab your six pack –you don’t want that to freeze.”
Jacob grabbed the cardboard box out of the cab before shutting the door roughly behind him. Royal opened up the door to the small house and kicked off his boots by the door and hung up his jacket after stuffing his gloves into his pocket.
Jacob did the same, setting the case of beer by the door to grab on his way out.
“Damn, this looks as plain as the day you moved in, man.”
“What can I say, I’m not one of those artsy gays,” Royal rolled his eyes. He filled the coffee carafe with water and put in a fresh filter and grounds before flipping the switch. “Besides, I like it kind of plan. It’s sort of rustic.”
“Sort of boring as all hell.”
“I spend ninety percent of my day outside, why do I need to have a ton of shit laying around that I don’t even get to look at half the time.”
Jacob hummed, “True I suppose.”
“Besides, it’s just me and the less I have, the easier it is to clean up.”
“Ah, so you’re just lazy.”
“That might be part of it,” he nodded with a small smirk.
“You’re still wearing your hat,” Jacob slid onto one of the stools at the bar counter between the kitchen and the living area.
“Oh yeah,” Royal reached up, running his fingers under it to pull it off. “I sort of forgot.” He laid it down on the other end of the counter. “You want anything to go with your coffee?”
“No thanks.”
“You sure?” Royal leaned on his arms across from him, putting the narrow counter between them.
“There’s just one thing I want, and it has little to do with coffee.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.”
“And what’s what?”
Jacob leaned up on his palms, moving a little faster than Royal anticipated. Their lips pressed together for just a brief moment at first, tentative; then again with a little more vigor. Royal’s palms pressed against his side of the counter, pushing up and across the surface. It had been…too long since his last kiss. Much more since he’d had one this good, with a guy who made him feel so…
“…Sorry,” Jacob hesitantly broke the kiss. He was still a breath away from the foreman. “I’m not sure what came over me.”
“I think I have an idea,” Royal cocked an eyebrow and licked his lips. Jacob had tasted of the night’s beer and faintly of Jeremy’s fantastic homemade salsa, as well as slightly salty from the chips. “But you don’t need to apologize. If you hadn’t done it, I would have.”
“Oh really?”
“Really, just like if this bar wasn’t in the way, I’d be fucking you on the floor already.”
“Is that all that’s stopping you?”
“It’s the biggest obstacle at the moment,” Royal gave a slight nod. “But the most easily rectified.”
“Oh?”
“The biggest question right now is…would you let me?” Royal’s breath was warm against Jacob’s cheek as he brushed his lips against the rancher’s ear.
“Why don’t you pour me a cup of that coffee first…and then see what happens?”
Royal nodded, backing away from the counter, “All right, whatever you say.” He turned his back on him, reaching up to pull two clean mugs from the cupboard. He set them down in front of the still dripping pot, which he then flipped off before pouring some of the hot caramel colored liquid into the mugs.
“Sugar or milk?”
“Just some milk,” Jacob slid back onto his stool, clasping his hands on the top of the counter. He watched Royal pull the carton from the fridge and pour a little into each mug before setting one in front of him. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Royal pulled out a spoon to stir some sugar into his own mug before leaning against the counter top across the kitchen from him.
They sipped the coffee in silence until Royal tossed the last few dregs of his into the sink, and set the mug upside down in the steel basin and leaning back against the counter.
“So…we going to end it at that tonight?”
“I don’t know, are we?” Jacob got up from the stool to set his mug in the sink next to Royal’s.
“It’s up to you, Boss.” Royal raised an eyebrow. “You’re the one who isn’t so sure about his sexuality at this point.”
“I know I find it really hard to say no to you, sexuality be damned,” Jacob looped his thumbs through his own belt loops, standing closer than necessary to Royal. He hadn’t noticed before that the foreman had a couple of inches on him, height wise. He was also a little broader in the shoulder, and his hair was a rich brown color. This late in the day, he was starting to show a little more than a five-o’clock-shadow.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think that was an invitation,” Royal reached up to put his hand against Jacob’s chest.
“You going to accept it?”
“I just might,” Royal stood up tall and pressed his lips to Jacob’s again. Without the bar-top between them, he could grab Jacob around the waist and hoist him up onto the clear counter top. While their mouths pressed together, their hands got to separate jobs. Jacob’s began to unbutton Royal’s shirt, pulling it out of the waistband of his jeans. He pushed it back over his shoulders and Royal let it fall to the floor before picking Jacob back up off of the counter.
“Where are we going?” Jacob wrapped his arms around his neck, surprised.
“Couch,” Royal found his mouth again after dumping him rather unceremoniously onto the dark burgundy sofa. “Hmm, you’re hard.”
“You too,” Jacob nodded, his hands moving down to unbutton Royal’s jeans. “We should do something about that.”
“I’m patient. I’d rather help you out first,” Royal sat back for a second, pulling Jacob’s t-shirt over his head. He paused, his fingers slowly unbuttoning the well-fitting denim. “This is sort of your last chance to escape. Second thoughts?”
“Leaving is the furthest idea from my mind right now.” Jacob gasped, tipping his head back as Royal dipped his mouth to suck the thing fabric still covering him. He didn’t protest as Royal sank back from the couch, tugging him along to pull off the rest of his clothes. The first gasp was matched when Royal’s mouth wrapped around pure skin.
“Don’t get too excited, Boss. We’re just getting’ started.”

Untitled

Note: I wrote this (apparently) back in November. I may or may not have been watching Queer as Folk at the time… But I re-read it and I actually rather like it.

Untitled

It know this sounds weird, but ever since I watched an old show on the internet, I’ve wanted to sleep with an under-aged guy. Sure, that would be kind of make me a pedophile, but I’m not that old! Only twenty…two…almost three. But that isn’t why I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it because there is a sense of broken innocence in sleeping with someone who is still widely considered to be a child. Even when I was in high school, I considered age to just be a number. I was
attracted to guys my own age, but I was also interested in the guys older then me.

It was weird, the first time I stepped into the loud, crowded club. Music thumped off every surface. Warm, overheated bodies pulsed together. I felt like I had just stepped into a paradise. But it was a dangerous paradise. More like a purgatory as I found out. I never drank or anything at the club. Not after I found the guy passed out in the bathroom; overdosed on E. No one seemed to care as the guy just laid there. I knew I didn’t want that guy to ever be me.

I made friends though. Mostly with the guys who hit on me, but I wasn’t actually interested in then being anymore then friends. But for the most part, it was okay. They were good people I could hang out with; a bunch of guys I knew wouldn’t leave me for dead on a bathroom floor.

“You need to loosen up,” David had his mouth pressed practically against my ear so IC ould hear him over the thump-thump-thump of the music. “Go get a drink! Just one won’t kill you, you know!”

“I never thought it would,” I shook my head. “I don’t want one, thanks. If I ended up going home with a guy, I like to do it sober.”

“Michael, Michael, Michael…you are such a prude!”

“Hey, just the fact that I am willing to go home with a stranger negates my being a prude,” I joked, but it was kind of true. Maybe I was a prude. That would probably explain a lot of the shit going on in my head.

David rolled his eyes at me. “You’re never going to come out of this shell of yours.”

“I’m not in—,” my eyes flitted over the crowd of bodies and fell on the most beautiful face I had ever seen. It surprised me. He was new. He popped out from all of the other faces; most striking was that he was young. Very young; like he shouldn’t have even been allowed in. He reached up to brush dark locks of hair behind his ear and I noticed the bright red stamp that marked him as Under-21. Even so, he had a long necked, dark brown beer bottle between two fingers.

“I’ll be right back, Dave.”

David watched me walk away and I could feel his eyes on the back of my head. I climbed the stairs to where the raven god was standing, watching the writhing bodies on the floor.

“If the bouncers catch you with that, they’ll throw you out,” I had to press close to him so he could hear me. My hand wrapped around bottle.

“It was a gift. I figured it would be rude to refuse,” he didn’t have any qualms about moving as close to me as I did to him.

“I’m Michael. You’re new.”

He grinned, “Thanks for the notice. I wasn’t sure what my standing was.”

“What’s your name?” I asked. I didn’t think twice about running my hand up his arm. One of the simplest things I could do to show interest.

“Ben,” he held out his hand to shake. “Ben Mathews.”

“Well Ben-Ben Mathews –what do you say to a dance?”

He looked up over the crowd, “Down there?”

I laughed, “It’s kind of hard to dance on the stairs.”

“Um, sure,” he nodded. He let me take his hand and lead him down the steps to the edge of the floor. I noticed that he pressed close to me, like he was shying away from the rest of the room; like I was the only person in a room of crazies.

“Something wrong?”

“I should warn you…I can’t dance to save my life.”

“That’s okay, I’m crap too.” I smiled. I was showing my teeth –a genuine smile. As soon as I realized, I stopped, turning my face away. “We can be shitty dancers together.”

“You have a really cute smile,” he grinned.

“Shut the fuck up before you make me blush,” I shook my head. “So, how old are you?”

“Well, I can’t lie and tell you twenty-one,” he flashed the red stamped hand. “Don’t tell anyone –I’m seventeen. Almost eighteen!” He added the last part as though it was an afterthought. To reassure me that he wasn’t totally jailbait. But even so, I was more intrigued.

“You ever come to a place like this before?” I asked. I folded his hands into mine and shifted closer.

“Um, a couple of times. I’m not sure if I like it or not… I’ve seen you here before. You just haven’t noticed me before.”

“Sorry, I must have been temporarily blind. You’re the most gorgeous little twink I’ve seen in my life.”

“Now you’re making me blush.”

“That’s okay; it suits you. You’re young enough to make it look cute.”

“You’re cute too. You’re the reason I came back here. I…I was hoping you’d notice me.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” I asked. “We could go some place more quiet. The café down the street…my place.”

He grinned, “How about we see how it goes at the café? And then if it goes well, we can think about going to your place.”

I nodded, “Alright. Let’s go.” I laced my fingers with his and tugged him long behind me. We stepped out from the club and walked down the street to the Pride Café. We were in the heart of “gay” part of town. The best part of town.

“So,” I slid into a booth, “what brings you into this part of town?”

He shrugged, “Just exploring. You know, feeling out new opportunities.”

I nodded, “Sure, but I at least waited until I was legal.”

He nodded,, “Yeah, but once you try it, it’s kind of hard to stop.”

“Right. So, tell me about you, Ben.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know, everything.”

“I go to Jefferson High. I’m a senior. I’m going to the U in the fall for Media Arts. I like to draw…and write. That’s it really.”

I nodded, “Okay.”

“What about you?”

“I work here part-time. Classes at the U for nothing in particular. I like comics, but I can’t draw for shit.”

We looked up as one of the night waitresses came up to get our order. I got coffee and a piece of pie. He ordered a soda and donut.

“So, how many times have you come down here?” I asked, nursing my hot cup between my palms.

“I think this is like my third time. I just like to observe. Watch the crowd. Get the feel for how other guys like me act.”

“You can act anyway you like. You don’t have to find a stereotype to fit in to.”

“That’s not what I mean,” he shook his head. “I like to people-watch.”

“Okay, I get it.”

He sipped his soda and licked the glaze from the pastry off his fingers. Watching his tongue circle his fingertips made me lard. I suppressed my groan, biting my lip. I wanted to take him home and fuck him two ways from Sunday.

We chatted some more while we drink and ate. When we finished, I grabbed the bill and paid. We shuffled back outside and meandered towards my car.

“So, can I give you a ride home?”

“What about your place?”

“Really?”

I wasn’t sure why I was surprised. I had been hoping that the last hour or so would be leading up to such a request.

“Yeah, of course. I mean, that’s part of the point, right?”

I tilted my head to the side, looking at him quizzically, “Ben…you’ve never gone home with a guy before, have you?”

He blushed, “No.”

“Okay, well…you understand though, right?”

“Understand what?”

“You understand that when I ask you to come home with me, I want to have sex with you.”

“Oh…yeah, of course.”

“But you’ve never gone home with a guy before.”

“I just said that.”

“Are you…you know.”

“What?”

“A virgin?”

“Oh…um,” he reached up, pulling on his ear.

“It’s okay,” I smiled. “If you’re sure, just say you want to come with me. Otherwise, I’ll drive you home.”

He thought for a second before looking straight at me. The sharpness of his eyes, so determined, both surprised and aroused me. “I want to go home with you.”

“Okay. Get in.”



“This is a really nice place,” he looked around, shrugging out of his jacket. “This must set you back a pretty-penny.”

I shrugged, “Not my money. Take off your shirt.” I hung up my coat and went to the kitchen. “Drink?”

“No thanks,” he shook his head. I watched him pull his shirt over his head. A smooth expanse of skin –just like I thought. “Um, is this okay?”

“Perfect,” I nodded. “C’mon, the bedroom is this way.” I grabbed the front of his jeans, tugging him along.”

“So,” I pushed him towards the bed. “Here’s how this works. I blow you. Then I fuck you. We both get off. You can stay over if you want, but considering…I don’t endorse it.”

“I told my parents I was staying at a friend’s house,” He leaned up on his palms. “It’s not a problem.”

“Good,” I nodded. “Now, you have thirty seconds to back out before I rip off your pants. Anything to say?”

He shook his head, “No…well, you know.”

“Know what?” I stepped forward, kneeling over him and undoing his jeans. He felt good and sinewy under my hands. Delicious.

“Um…be careful, okay?”

I grinned, rolling my eyes, “I know my way around.” He looked nervous so I dropped my carnal act. “I’ll take care of you, okay? I’m no Jack Pfifer, but I know what I’m doing.”

“Who is Jack Pfifer?”

“Only the hottest guy it he city,” I shook my head. “Just relax and enjoy, okay?” I leaned up, pressing a kiss to his mouth. I groaned. His tongue was sweet. I could taste every drink he had had that night. Beer, a cosmo, maybe even a martini. He gasped a little as I pulled down his jeans and boxers. I didn’t even think about it before taking him into my mouth. He swore, tipping his head back. I grinned, stroking my hands up his stomach.

“Oh Jesus,” he reached up, pressing his palms against the headboard. “What the hell are you doing with your tongue?”

I laughed, “It’s called a blowjob. If you’re a good boy, I might teach you a few things about them.”

His gasps and groans were melodic and wonderful to the ear. I pulled his clothes the rest of the way off before straightening up to kick off my shoes and peeling off my socks. My shirt pulled over my head and got tossed away. I pushed my pants over my hips. He looked up at me appreciatively.

“Wow, you’re chest is about as impressive as your apartment.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment…but it’s not the feature I’d really like to draw your attention to.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I supposed to be looking at your dick? ‘Cause to be honest, it’s pretty great too.”

“You’re pretty good with flattery,” I shifted down onto the bed. “You sure you’ve never done this?”

He shrugged, “I told you –I watch things. I kind of know what’s supposed to happen.”

“Ah, but what about what you want to happen? Are you really going to let me boss you around like this?” I opened the side table drawer and pulled out a condom and some lube. He watched with interest as I ripped open the foil and unrolled the sheath over my member. He hadn’t even touched me and I was harder then he was. “Turn over.”

“…What if I say no?”

“I’ll fuck you right where you sit. That’s a pretty good position too,” I shrugged. The drop of lube was cool, but it just made me harder. “It’s up to you how you want it.”

I stroked myself, slicking up the lube while I let him think it over. Finally, he shifted over onto his stomach. I couldn’t help but grin again, kneeling over him. “Good boy. You’d make a pretty good, given the proper master.”

“That’s a little scary…”

“You’ll learn to push aside your inhibitions,” I promised. “This will probably hurt, so you just need to relax. I’ll take it slow.”

He nodded, folding is arms under his head. He stayed still as I pushed into him. I watched his mouth open in the start of an involuntary protest. Then it turned into a vehement agreement. He shifted, reaching back and grabbing my ass to urge me forward. I leaned down, kissing his back. The noises he made in his throat were like none I had ever heard before.

“Fuck this pansy shit –do it harder.”

“You’ve got quite the mouth on you.”

“I’m just telling you what I want,” he glanced over his shoulder at me. “I should take some kind of control back, right?”

“Of course; but be careful of what you wish for, Newbie. You might get too much.” I pushed harder into him. He squeezed his eyes shut and gave forth a throaty groan.

“It doesn’t matter –really fuck me. Like you would any other guy.”

“Any other guy, I wouldn’t have thought twice –but if you want it,” I pulled free, shifting him onto his back. He looked a little startled but I placated his worry with a kiss while I pulled his legs up over my shoulders. I leaned back, kissing the sides of his knees while I pushed back inside.

“Holy Jesus fuck,” he reached up, gripping the headboard again. His hard-on pressed up between our bodies. His open month was a dark, wet cavern just waiting for my tongue. I tasted those sweet noises from his throat, kissing him until I was forced to surface for air.

The apartment felt hot and I could feel the sweat beading on my skin. I reached up, brushing his hair off his forehead. It slicked back, warm with heat from the sex.

“Harder,” he breathed. He reached up, pulling his fingers through my hair. I picked up the pace, making him shudder with every thrust. His head tipped back, exposing his throat. I bit down softly on smooth, pale skin. “Fuck, I’m gonna come.”

I laughed as the sticky white substance shot spectacularly out onto his chest. I kept pumping, not far behind. When I finished, I rolled away. He looked embaressed, his hand hovering over the mess on his skin like he wanted to brush it away, but wasn’t sure if he should.

“Wait,” I pulled off the condom, tossing it into the trash. I leaned over him and licked a line up his stomach. He shivered. It was still boiling in the room, but since we parted, I could feel the temperature starting to drop back down to normal. After his mess was cleaned up, I shifted off the bed. “How about that drink?”

“Just some water.”

“Sure,” I nodded. “Just wait that pretty ass of yours right here.” I leaned down to kiss him before stepping out into the kitchen. When I came back, he was pulling his clothes back on. “Going somewhere?”

“N-no…”

“Then stay naked,” I pressed a kiss to his lips and the bottle of water into his hand.

“A-are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Not like there’s anyone here but us.”

“Okay,” he nodded, pulling his shorts back off. He sat down on the edge of the bed. “So, what now?”

I hummed, coming behind him and kissing his neck. “Well, give me twenty minutes and we can probably do it again. I’ll make it last longer the next time.” He shied away, opening the water to take a drink. My eyebrows furrowed together, “What? Didn’t you like it?”

“That’s not it!” He shook his head, “It’s…I know we just had sex and that was great, but it’s not like it meant anything.”

“Sex doesn’t always have to mean anything.”

“Doesn’t it? Even if it’s just that we’re both a couple of hot, horny guys with nice dicks and tight asses who like to screw around?”

“You’re a little uptight, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry, I just…I guess I imagined my first time to be more…”

“Romantic?” I laid back against the pillows. “For love? I did too. Then I realized after my first boyfriend…it’s not worth it.”

“What’s not?”

“Love. It’s for pussies. Leave it to the heteros and the lesbians.”

“That’s kind of cynical, isn’t it?”

“That’s just experience talking. You’ll learn,” I tugged him back into the pillows with me. “But, let’s focus on keeping a sexy mood. You’re depressing me. Let me blow your mind.”

“Again?”

I grinned, kissing him, “Yeah. Again.”

Removing Dark Little Town

Some may have noticed if they are subscribed to my Yahoo!Group or read my stories on AFF or FictionPress that I have removed the original Dark Little Town Series.

This is because I am going through a heavy editing process with it, hopefully for future publication. I wanted to make sure there would be no problems with that, so I opted to remove the story in its entirely from the internet at large.

If you have copies saved to your computers (for whatever reason), I simply ask that you delete your files. I don't suspect anyone would have them, but you never know.

Thank you for reading my stories, and I encourage you to continue doing so. I would also love to hear feed back --even critical feedback, from people who like my writing (and those who hate it...).

Samma

Polar Opposites (Possible Submission Peice?)

Polar Opposites

I haven’t eaten in three days. Or at least, nothing of real substance. I am starving and for no reason other then the fact that I want to. I am already pretty thing. It’s not like I’m going this so I can feel good about myself. I know that what I’m doing is dangerous, but the truth of the matter is, I don’t care.

I’m partaking in other risky behaviors as well. Overall, I’m just not being a well rounded individual. My first year of college and I’m just fucking my life up. Because I don’t care.

And the saddest part of this whole thing is that I should care. I have some good shit going on for me right now, but all I can think about is drinking, fucking, and barely scraping by. Especially the fucking. I love the fucking.

Even now, from my little corner of the campus library, I’m scoping out my next conquest. There’s a straight guy, not even worth my time, sitting in a chair across from me. A professor, looking very out of his element, is at a computer a few feet away. A couple of girls are whispering in the stacks, just out of my line of vision. Usually, this is a hot spot for picking up cute guys, but tonight, it’s cold.

As I get up to go, I see him, He’s gorgeous. He’s looking frustrated, gazing at the numbering system on the end of the shelves, and then at a slip of paper in his hand. I breath for a second before making my move.

“Need some help?”

“Um, I just don’t understand Library of Congress, I guess.”

He’s so shy, it hurts and I’m excited just thinking about how great his skin is going to feel against mine.

“Here, let me see,” I hold out my hand for the slip, which he offers to me. “Ah, it’s this way.” I beckon him to follow me through the stacks. A moment later, I hand him the small GLBT-interest book he was looking for.

“It’s, uh, it’s for a class,” he stammers to explain.

I shrug, “Whatever. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Um, I’m Derrick,” he holds out his hand.

“Luther,” I shake it. “What do you say to some recreation, Derrick?” I raise a suggestive eyebrow.

“R-recreation?”

I lean close to him, “I’m so horny right now…and the bathrooms up here are great for hooking up.”

“I, I’m sorry,” he shakes his head. “I don’t really do that kind of thing.”

I almost can’t suppress the displeased groan, but I manage. I give him a soft little smile and a shrug, “That’s OK. Just thought I’d ask.” I give him my best ‘no hard feelings’ grin and go back to pack up my bag. I take my time, like I’m giving him the chance to change his mind. But he doesn’t, so I make my way down the stairs, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

Once outside, the cool air feels good against my skin. I decide that food would be a good idea. It’s not like I’m trying to starve myself to death, so some solids in my stomach would be excellent. Especially if I wasn’t going to get any sexual nourishment.

“L-luther?”

I turn at the quiet voice that had followed me. My heart leaps, hoping that he has changed his mind.

“Yeah?”

“Um, do you want to have dinner with me?” He asks. I know it has taken him a lot of courage to be able to follow me like this and ask, and that just drives me even more insane. “I don’t really have any friends, and you know, just ‘cause I don’t want to have sex with you—”

I stopped him, “You’re babbling. I was just headed to Commons for dinner, why don’t you come with me?”

“O-okay,” a grin breaks across his face and he’s even cuter. It totally pains me that I am now entering into a totally platonic relationship with him.

“So,” I clear my throat s we start walking again, this time with him by my side. “Is that stutter real, or are you just nervous?”

“Oh, uh, well…I’m nervous as hell,” he begins to turn red.

“How can a boy as cute as you be so nervous? And not have friends? That is ridiculous.”

“I used to be…big.”

“You were fat?”

He nods, “Yeah. I got teased a lot in elementary and middle school, so I don’t really make friends that easily. But I started to diet and exercise in high school and I lost it all.”

I can’t help but imagine what this little demi-god had looked like as a fat kid. I mean, he can’t have been too bad, if he lost it all in high school. He must have realized what I am thinking, because he chimes, like he was reading my thoughts.

“I used to not be able to shop in the Young Men’s section of stores. My Mom finally gave up and just shopped at this little local place called Hefty’s. I was pretty huge.”

“How the hell did you lose it all then?”

“Exercise. Low-fat diet. It actually came off pretty easy once I stopped stuffing my face every time some kid called me Lardo or Tubby.”

“Aw,” a little frown makes me pout. “That’s sad.”

“Yeah, well, kids are cruel.” He turns to look down the street as we make our way to cross.

“Trust me, I am not like those kids. I think you’re hot,” I grin and take his hand in mine. I notice he kinds of tenses up, but I don’t say anything about it, instead tugging him towards the dining hall.

The Commons is pretty quiet when we go in. I drop his hand and pretend not to notice when he rubs his palm against his thigh, like I am some kind of dirty tramp with the gall to touch him or something.

He follows behind me like a puppy and we both pick up trays. We each get a burger and fries. He adds a salad and a side of cottage cheese to his tray, while I opt for a bowl of soup and a piece of cake. To drink, we both get a glass of coke –then he gets a chocolate milk while I get a juice.

I kind of figure this much food will be a bad idea, but I also don’t want to rouse any kind of suspicion. We pay for our meals and then slid into a table near the back.

“So, do you proposition guys in the library a lot, or am I just special?”

“Well, if I tell you what you want to hear, are you more likely to sleep with me?” I raise an eyebrow, coyly.

“Um, probably not,” he shakes his head. “It’s not that I don’t find you attractive, but…well, I don’t have sex.” I must look confused, because he feels the need to continue. “I mean, it’s not that I can’t. I just don’t. It’s like a phobia, I guess. I like sex! I know like everything there is to know about it –gay or straight. Ask me anything, seriously.”

“Wait –you don’t have sex, but…?”

“I read a lot. It’s like…a hobby.”

“I think that is one of the most fucked up things I have ever heard.”

His face is totally red and it’s just fueling the licking flames of desire in the pit of my stomach. He is driving me mad. How could a guy so cute be such an innocent? Former fatty or not.

I watch him lean over his tray and carefully eat his cottage cheese. Then he carefully assembles his burger. No-Fat mayo on the top bun, layer of spinach, two tomatoes, a sprinkle of minced onions, and a little extra mayo on the burger to hold the toppings together. But then he doesn’t eat it. He moves instead to his salad –spinach leaves, low-fat French dressing, and shredded cheddar cheese.

I’m not even hungry anymore, amazed with watching him eat. He shifts his glasses, blows, and plates around on his tray. He keeps his head down until he realizes I’m watching him, just drinking my coke.

“Something wrong?”

I shake my head, “No, not especially.”

“Then, could you stop watching me? It’s a little weird.”

“And you’re a little OCD.”

There is that goddamn blush again. It makes me want to pick him up and bend him over his chair. But I don’t think that he would be too keen on that idea.

“Maybe, just a little.”

“You’re very methodical,” I shrug. “I’m not making fun of you. It’s cute.”

“It’s not cute,” he rolls his eyes. “It’s obnoxious.”

“It’s endearing.”

“You just say that because you think you want to have sex with me.”

“I think? No, no, no. I know I want to have sex with you.” I finally take a bite of my plain burger. My stomach seems pleased, even if my tastebuds aren’t overly stimulated. “I don’t sleep with just anyone,” I tell him. “I’m rather easy, but you gotta be willing to play by my rules. You gotta met my criteria. Picking up guys is harder then you might think.”

“I never said anything about that. I just mean, you don’t want to have sex with ‘me’. You want to have sex with my body. You don’t actually care anything about ‘me’.”

I lean back in my chair, processing what he has just said. It made a lot of sense. I didn’t really give a crap at all about the guys I slept with. Most of them, I probably couldn’t even put a name to a face. And that was bad. Really bad. My head finally clicked together all of my dangerous activities over the last couple of months and I found a myriad of questions running through my head.

Had I used protection that first time? Did I swallow that one time with that guy in the Tech Ed building? What about that kid down the hall in the dorms? When was the last time I checked the expiration date on my stash of condoms?

“Luther? Are you okay? I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

“I’m not mad,” I shake my head.

“Are you sure? You look mad.”

“Mad at myself, not at you,” I shake my head again. “I’m just realizing I’m kind of a fuck up…and generally, a really bad person.”

He frowns, “You’re not a bad person.”

“You don’t even know me. And you should count yourself lucky that you said you weren’t interested in me –”

“I never said that I wasn’t interested in you. I just said I don’t have sex.”

“Whatever. Be glad.”

His frown deepens, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a nineteen year old virgin? And not like by choice either. I really wish I could be more like you.”

“More like me?”

“You may have noticed, I’m not exactly normal,” he raises an eyebrow. “I’d give anything to be flirty and promiscuous like you. But I can’t, because if I were to try that…it would just turn out horribly wrong.”

“Are you religious or something?”

He shakes his head, “Not at all. Just painfully shy and incapable of physical contact.”

“You let me hold your hand,” I point out.

“I let you, but I didn’t like it.”

I hum, trying to understand, but having trouble. “So…how do you do it?” I finally ask, “How do you abstain?”

“Umm, I don’t know. I guess I just kind of have become a shut-in. But, I obviously don’t proposition people, and people don’t proposition me.”

“Even people you find attractive?”

He looks shocked, “Especially not people I find attractive! I’m no Casanova! I stay in the background and try not to be noticed.”

“Well, that’s no way to get laid,” I roll my eyes.

“I want my first time to be special,” he looks down at his tray. His face is turning pink again. “I know that sounds stupid, but I want to be love, you know?”

“Honey, it could be years before you fall in love.”

“I can wait,” he shrugs, looking up at me again. “I mean, I don’t think I’m the kind of person who will find their soul mate and that’s going to be only person I’m ever with. I don’t want to be that kind of person. I want to fall in love. I want to have my heart broken. Does that sound weird?”

“No…not really.”

After we parted, I thought about what he said. And I realized, that maybe he had the right idea. He wasn’t saying no to me because he wanted to. He wasn’t even putting down the general idea of sex. He had a right to a ‘special’ first time. Deserved it even. And as I thought about it, the more I realized, that I had always wanted the same thing he did. To love, lose, and live to love again.

I Kissed A Boy

I Kissed A Boy

The club was loud, and my friends were just adding to the din with their raucous laughter and jibbing. I had been hanging to the back of the group for some time now, like I usually did. I liked to watch them –a fairly well sized group of straight boys, laughing and touching each other rather inappropriately. And there I was, the token gay guy who had to silently grin and bear it or be ousted. They knew I was gay and I was still their friend, but when I had come out to them, the rules had changed…

“Hey man,” a large arm wrapped around my neck, “stop being such a lonely queer over here, huh?” I laughed as his knuckles ground into the top of my head.

“Well, you guys are just giving me such a great show, why ruin it?” I didn’t really fight that hard to get out of his arms… He was my favorite. Cute, athletic looking. Great body. I had enjoyed having Gym class with him all through high school and rooming with him our first year of college. I had seen the boy naked, and damn was he a fine specimen of man.

“That’s sick dude; you gotta tell us when we’re being gay,” he teased.

“Sorry man,” I finally brushed his hands away. He felt too good, especially when I knew nothing could ever happen between us. “I see some fine lookin’ ladies over there –why don’t we ask them to dance?”

“I’ve got a better idea,” he grinned. He gave a little nod at our friends to leave us alone, before dragging me to the dance floor.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Trust me –they’ll come to us,” he winked. He put his hands on my hips, and pulled me up against him, grinding us together.

“Jesus fucking…” I whispered, looking down. “Dude…”

“Relax.” He leaned close, swaying my hips in time with his and put his mouth right next to my ear. “Ladies love the gay thing.”

“Which might work well when you’re straight but I am…you know.”

“I know,” he grinned, leaning back to look at me. “But face it –how many times in your life is a half-decent straight dude gonna let you get this close to you? It’s like a fetish for you gays, isn’t it?”

My mouth dropped open, “Excuse me? Not all gay guys like the straights, okay?”

He laughed, “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I am offended!”

“Let me make it up to you then?” He leaned close again. His lips brushed the spot just below my ear. I could feel my face getting hot.

“Dude, I don’t want to be your ploy to pick up chicks.”

“That’s good, ‘cause to be honest, I don’t really want them… I think my girlfriend might get a little pissed,” he laughed again. That laugh made my knees feel like jelly, but I managed to stay on my feet.

“And you dancing with me isn’t going to piss her off?” I raised an eyebrow. “Am I some kind of scapegoat or something?”

“Of course not,” he frowned. The song changed, something a little slower as the night was starting to wind down. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pressed his forehead to mine. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Dude…we’ve been best friend since middle school,” I gave in to him and put my arms over his shoulders while we continued to dance.

“And I know you’ve watched me with those love-sick-puppy eyes for at least the last three of those eight awful years.” He raised an eyebrow suggestively, and then frowned at my bark of laughter.

After a moment, I sobered, “Man, c’mon…I’m gay, you’re not. Sure, I’ve had a little crush like every gay guy gets on his straight best friend, but…I knew thing could become of it. That’s okay with me.”

“I don’t know where you got that idea from,” he shrugged. “I figured you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“That…I’m not completely straight. I mean, yeah, I love the girls, but…seriously. Dudes are hot.”

“You such a pig,” I hit him on the shoulder. He laughed, but didn’t flinch or move way from me. “Why are you telling me now?”

“Because…you look really good tonight, and…I’m finally at a place in my relationship with Rachel where I think it’d be okay if I branched out a little more to explore my sexuality.”

“Wait, does she know about this?”

“Not really…but I trust you not to tell her. And if you do and she get pissed, well…fuck her.” He leaned forward and for the first time ever, I felt his lips against mine.

I had admired his lips for a long time. A pouty bottom lip, that just seemed perfect for biting and sucking, and a thin, but not too-thin upper lip. And now they were on mine; my heart was beating faster than it ever had before and I thought I might pass out.

“Wh-what was that for?” I stammered as he pulled away.

“I told you,” he grinned, pressing his forehead to mine. “You look really good tonight.”

“And that was like my reward or something?”

“Or something…if you’d let me, I’d like to give you an even better reward later,” he smirked. I couldn’t believe such dirty things were coming out of his mouth. …What scared me most was that, I had dreamed about this come-on for years –way longer then he even realized. And now it was here, and it was really happening, but it still didn’t feel right to me.

“I-I-I have to go,” I pushed his arms away and stepped away from him. The crowd in the club seemed to have gotten thicker as I tried to make my way to the door. I heard my name being called by our friends but I ignored them. It wasn’t like we had all come in one car, and I hadn’t been officially appointed as designated driver. They were big boys, they could take care of themselves.

“Hey, wait.”

He was right behind me, which kind of surprised me in a way. I guess I had just expected him to drop it, not follow me. He was going to take this infatuation to a whole new level.

“No,” I jerked my arm out of his grasp as he grabbed hold of me. “I won’t do it, man.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not going to ruin our friendship by having sex with you.”

“Dude, I never said anything about having sex with you!”

“It doesn’t matter –anything that I do with you that isn’t strictly platonic is just going to blow up in our faces. So just…leave me alone, okay?”

He looked hurt. My first instinct was to comfort him, but then that would just reiterate the whole spiel and start all over again in a vicious cycle.

“I think you’re taking this entirely the wrong way,” he shook his head.

“I really don’t think I am.”

“Look, I just,” he sighed. “You’re like one of the only guys I trust enough to…put myself out there for. Plus, I know you like me, and we’re already friend so I figured we could just bypass all that other shit that goes along with—“

“No,” I shook my head. “Look, trying to start something with me is just going to turn into shit for us, regardless. We’re like best friends! I’m gay, you’re not. You have a girlfriend, I..I’ve got nothing.”

“You’ve got me! I’m standing here telling you that I want to be more than just your friend! Why are you pushing me away?”

“Because, man! You’re not…I just can’t! I can’t risk our almost ten years of friendship just to fuck you once –or whatever the hell it is that you think you want from me, just so you can ‘explore’. I’ve helped out enough guys who were just exploring. I’ve even had my heart broken by a couple of those assholes. I won’t let you do it to me!”

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” he shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that to you, you know it!”

“I don’t know it! And that’s why I’m leaving.”

“No,” he grabbed hold of me again. His grip was tight and I felt like he would break my wrist if I tried to pull away. “I won’t let you just walk away from it. I need to know how you feel about me.”

“I love you, you stupid fuck!” I kicked him in the shin. He let go of my arm, and went straight to nursing his leg. I took the opportunity to sprint way as quickly as possible. I hadn’t run since I was on the Track team in high school, two years before and ran out of breath quickly, but he wasn’t chasing me.

I fumbled with my keys, nearly dropping them in the puddle beside my car door, but I managed to unlock it and slide behind the steering wheel. I could see him limping his way down the sidewalk to the parking lot. I shoved my keys into the ignition and backed out of the spot. I probably should have expected him to do something as stupid as stepping out in front of my car, but I didn’t. My breaks squealed as I stopped for him.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled at him. He didn’t answer as he came around, and slid into the passenger seat. “Get the fuck out of my car, asshole.”

“No, I’m not finished. I think you should at least hear me out,” he pulled on his seat belt and then leaned down to rub his shin. “And CHRIST, did you have to kick me so fucking hard? God, you can be such a douche bag.”

I shook my head, “Fine, say whatever the fuck you have to say.” I rolled my eyes and started to drive back towards campus and our dorms.

“I didn’t come on to you tonight to piss you off. I was hitting on you because I genuinely would like to do things to you.”

“Things? What the hell man, are we eighth graders?”

“What do you want me to say? You want me to come out and say that I want to suck your dick? That I want to fuck your ass? That I might even be open to the idea of you fucking mine? Seriously, man,” he shook his head.

“Why with me?” I asked, not really sure if I actually wanted to know the answer.

“Because…I think I love you.”

“You love me as your best friend, not as your boyfriend, certainly not as your lover.”

“But…I still love you! It doesn’t mean that if it doesn’t work out that I’m going to just dump you!”

“I can’t get into a relationship with a straight guy right now! I mean, it’s hard enough to find a gay guy whose interest I can keep for more than a month and a half.”

“You’ve kept my attention for two years!” He sighed, exasperated. “I’m finally ready to pursue it!”

“Fuck you,” I shook my head. “Why couldn’t you have gotten the balls to do this when we were living together? Or fuck, even back in high school? We’re twenty years old; we’re too old to be doing this kind of shit to each other.”

“I’m just…I’m really confused, okay?” He shook his head. He was averting his eyes out of the window, like he couldn’t look at me while he was talking to me. I knew this was weird and probably really hard for him. As guys…we don’t talk about this kind of stuff, but it’s important. “I keep having these really sexual thoughts about, well, you –and other guys of course. But it’s like, I know that you’re not going to just totally dismiss me if I suck at being gay.”

“I am pretty certain that you can’t suck at being gay,” I rolled my eyes. “Besides, you’re not gay! You’re straight and confused!”

“I think I know what I am, okay?”

“Okay, okay…just…stop for a second, alright?” I pulled into an empty parking spot outside of our dormitories and cut the engine we both unclipped our seatbelts. “You need to seriously think about what you’re telling me you want to do.”

“I have seriously thought about it. Do you really thing I would initiate something that I wasn’t prepared for? I’m not stupid.”

“I know you’re not stupid,” I shook my head. I couldn’t stop myself. I reached over and pushed a lock of hair out of his face. “I’m not saying that you’re stupid. I’m saying that…you confuse the hell out of me.”

“I’m not trying to confuse you!”

I shook my head, leaning back in my seat, “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he shook his head. “Just…be open.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

I turned to look at him again. He looked so cute with his hair starting to fall over his face, and his layered shirts and his tight jeans. He looked good. I wanted really badly to be able to give in to him. I wanted to let him take me back to his room and do all of those dirty things that he wanted to do, but…that wasn’t me. I couldn’t do it. I had too much respect and admiration for him to let him do that to himself –and to me. And I told him that.

“Fuck that,” he shook his head. “I want you.”

“There are lot of other guys you can experiment with.”

“I don’t want just any other guy,” he shifted in the seat. The car was cramped and he pressed me against the door to kiss me again. My head hit the glass, but barely noticed as his hands shoved under my shirt. His finger tips were hot and expert as they stroked my skin.

“Jesus, why are you crying?” he pressed his forehead to mine. He reached up, brushing his thumbs under my eyes. “Don’t cry, asshole.”

“You’re so fucking perfect and adorable and…I want the same thing you do, but I can’t. I can’t…I can’t really explain why, but it just can’t happen, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay!”

“Just…leave me alone for awhile, okay?” I pushed him back into his seat, and started to get out of the car. He was right behind me though, as I started to walk towards our dormitory.

“You can’t just leave me hanging like this!”

“I can,” I shook my head. “I don’t have to explain shit to you.”

“The hell you don’t,” he grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around to face him. “Why are you making this so hard?”

“Because you’re so important to me! If you were just some guy at the club, fuck yes I would love to hook up with you, but you aren’t! You actually mean something to me! And if I meant anything to you, you would just stop right now and not push me so hard, okay?” I broke away from him again and continued on my way to my building. He didn’t say anything to me as he followed behind me. He lived in the same building –same floor, but at least we weren’t roommates anymore. If we were still roommates, I had a feeling that the issue wouldn’t be over.

He stood quietly next to me, his arms crossed over his chest as we took the elevator upstairs. When the doors open, he slid past me and stepped out first, moving in the opposite direction as me. I saw him hesitate before he turned the corner towards his room, but he didn’t stop to say anything and I certainly didn’t stop to say anything to him.

My room seemed empty and uninviting as I unlocked the door and slid inside. I didn’t bother turning on any lights as I pulled off my clothes and threw them into my clothes basket. It occurred to me that rather then party, I should have done laundry. Maybe if I had, this entire mess with him would have been avoided.

I slid into bed, and tucked my arm under my pillow. I wasn’t really tired, but I didn’t know what else to do. My roommate wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours (maybe even morning), and I really hoped I would be unconscious by then. I sighed, shifting onto my side. The silence was overwhelming and I felt like it was pressing down on me like this huge black cloak, trying to suffocate me. Minutes passed. Then an hour, and an hour and a half.

I jumped when I heard my cell phone ring. I leaned over the bed to grab it from where it had dropped out of my pocket when I changed.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come over?”

“Dude, no,” I sighed. It was him, of course. “I’ve had enough of this for one night. Get some sleep or something and just…let it go.”

“I can’t! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to say that shit to you tonight? I don’t want to do anything, I promise! I just…I can’t be in my room by myself, okay?”

I sighed, “Fine. Come over. The door is open.”

“K. I’ll see you in a few then.” He hung up, and I sighed, snapping the flip-top closed before letting it fall from my fingers to the floor again. It only took him a minute or so to give one small knock on the door before opening it.

“You want this locked?”

“It’s fine,” I shook my head.

He made his way through the dark to my bed, and sat down next to me, “I’m sorry tonight went so badly. I really…I guess I didn’t think it through, and it all just kind of came out.”

“It’s fine,” I shook my head.

“I really do like you though…you know, like that.”

I shook my head, “It’s not happening, okay?”

“I know that!”

“Then…seriously dude, just…sit and be quiet, okay?”

He sighed. I was kind of surprised when he stretched out next to me, laying his head on my arm. He kissed me for the third time that night. He pushed close to me, wrapping his arms around me. My first instinct was to protest, but the longer he kissed me and the further his fingers coaxed along my skin…

“You just won’t take no for an answer, won’t you?”

“I can’t,” he shook his head. “I’ve held on to this for too long.”

“What about Rachel, huh? You know, your girlfriend.”

“What about her?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “This isn’t about her at all. This is about you and me.” It didn’t feel so strange, so overpowering as he kissed me again. I had qualms, but I let myself give in to him. I shifted on my side and finally kissed him back, sucking that pouty lip between mine. I felt him smile and gently push against me. He was a good kisser, and we kept at it for a few minutes. My lips felt damp when I finally leaned away from him.

“Okay, we can do this, but…it can’t be like, a thing okay?”

He nodded, “Okay. Simple, easy, no strings attached; I totally understand.”

“Good,” I nodded. “Now…keep kissing me.” I leaned forward to initiate this time. It didn’t take much for him to slip down to press that perfect mouth against my throat, and then my chest. His jeans caught on the blanket between us as he slid over top of me. My fingers linked into his belt loops, and I tugged his lips back to mine. He tugged down the blanket, pushing it out of the way. His jeans felt heavy through my boxers, and I couldn’t resist the urge to reach down and unzip them. All of my high school fantasies started to come true as I stroked my fingers along his package for the first time. His jeans pushed easily down his hips.

“Hold on a sec,” he breathed. He shifted to pull off his jeans the rest of the way, and then tugged his shirt over his head before resuming his position on top of me. He pressed his hips to mine, thrusting our bodies together as we kissed. I’d been with a handful of guys, but this was like the most erotic thing I had ever been a part of… Like a forbidden fruit had just been handed to me, and it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. I was just waiting for the food poisoning to kick in.

His mouth moved to bite softly on my ear, “I want to make you come.” He waited for a second to give me the chance to stop him. But I didn’t, and I leaned up on my elbows to watch him back away and tug my boxers down, and eventually fly off to the other side of the room. He didn’t give himself a change to think twice before putting his mouth over me. I gasped a little, watching him work over it. His fingers stroked my base while his tongue teased my hip. His other hand rubbed between my thighs, his thumb stroking the spot under my balls, and his index finger probed at my opening.

“Jesus,” I sighed.

“What?” Hey looked, licking his damp lips. “You thought I’d suck at this, just ‘cause I haven’t ever done it before? I know things, man. Don’t doubt me.” He grinned, leaning forward to kiss me. His mouth had little traces of precome in it. Usually that might gross me out a little, but on him it was erotic.

“It’s not that,” I shook my head. “You just…you’re full of surprises tonight.”

“I try my best,” he shrugged. We were quiet again as he moved back over me, working his mouth just the right way without my having to give him any direction at all. I felt like I was going to melt when he looked up at me with these slightly puppy-like eyes, like he was asking if what he was doing was okay.

“Oh fuck,” I sighed. I sat up, pulling him away. His mouth was wet with excess saliva and a precome, but I didn’t care at all. His chest against mine was like fire licking my skin. I pushed his boxers down out of the way as I fumbled to reach for the supply box I kept under my bed. “Goddamn it…” I sighed. I moved away from him just long enough to wrench the box from under the bed.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, starting to shift.

“Lay down,” I coaxed. I set the box down on his chest and rummaged through blindly until my fingers wrapped around the familiar bottle. “Yes. Found it.”

“Found what?”

“Lube,” I kissed him. “This will probably be a little cold, just to warn you…but I’ll get you hard again.” The bottle cracked a little as a popped open the top of it. He gave a little groan as I let the bottle pour liberally over our members. My palm wrapped around him, bare, and I stroked the gel-like liquid over us. The slick sound of my hand working over him was kind of a turn on, and I didn’t really lose my erection at all.

I wiped my palm on the blanket, not really caring all that much about a mess. I had to do laundry in the morning anyway, what was a little lube on the comforter? His lips found mine as I pressed our hips together. I began to grind slowly against him at first, sort of testing the water to see how he responded. He grinned against my lips as we kissed.

“Hmm, that feels good,” he groaned. He wrapped an arm around my waist, hoisting me closer. “Do it harder.”

I complied, breathing heavily against his shoulder. If I kissed him anymore, I would probably pass out from the lack of oxygen –and that wouldn’t be very good, seeing as how I was just on the brink…

He grunted a little in his throat, his fingers digging tightly into my hips, thrusting me forward even harder. The lube let us slide easily against one another, and the pocket between our bodies created some nice friction too.

“Ah, fuck –I’m—” he didn’t even get the chance to finish telling me before he tipped his head back and let out the sexiest moan I had ever heard. I felt the sticky evidence of his orgasm between us and that just fueled me. A second later, we were both covered in it, and I rolled away to catch my breath. It felt warm and sticky on my stomach.

He breathed heavily and tilted his head to look at me as I caught my breath.

“What does it taste like?” He asked, running his hand down my chest. The tips of his fingers swirled in the mess on my abdomen.

“Taste and find out,” I shrugged. I watched him pause before he lifted his fingers to lips. His tongue parted his lips to lick it from his fingers. He pondered it for a moment before he shrugged. “It’s…come.”

“As opposed to being…?” I laughed softly. I reached up and stroked his hair.

“I guess I just expected it to be different.”

I shook my head, “Sometimes. It depends on the guy –diet, that kind of thing.”

He nodded. He leaned forward and licked more of it off of me, like getting more of it would give him a better opinion. “I like it.”

“I think it’s best when it’s been on your skin or something first. Fresh from the cock is just…” I cringed. “It’s too warm.”

He shrugged, “Never tried it.” He licked his lips before leaning up to kiss me again. His fingers tugged the tips of my hair and he bit softly at my bottom lip. “Hmm…” he tilted my face up. “Um, I should go clean up.”

I nodded, “Probably.”

“But I’ll come back,” he assured me. “I’m not done with you yet.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

“You could get dressed again and come with me. I hear shower play is really fun.”

“I think I’ll be okay,” I shrugged. “We should get some sleep soon.”

It took him a second before he nodded, “Okay. I’ll be right back.” He kissed my forehead before he slid off of the bed. He fumbled around to find his shorts and pull them back over his hips. The light made me wince as he slipped out of the door. I took the chance to pull on my own boxers again, and wipe away the last traces of our excursion with a towel before I slid back underneath the blanket that had gotten shoved aside on the bed.

I had just closed my eyes when he slid back inside. I heard the familiar lock click as he closed the door, and slid back into bed with me. He didn’t say anything as he wrapped an arm loosely around my waist. His forehead pressed against mine, and I turned my hand to press my palm against his bare chest. His skin was still a little damp from the rinse had taken. I could still just barely smell his cologne as I leaned close.

“Getting frisky?” He teased.

I shook my head, shifting to lean my head against his chest. His chin rested on the top of my head, and I felt my eyes close. This was strange…but not a bad-strange. Strange because it just felt so right, to have his arms wrapped around me; like he belonged there. But I couldn’t help but feel like that forbidden fruit still had a worm inside.